Truth be told

I'm sitting here thinking about things that have been happening in lives of people around me, and how although not much of it deals with me directly, I'm still being affected by it all. People who are supposed to be my friends are choosing to push me away because they no longer have a "need" for me. And some of those whom I have a friendship with,  are having stress put on them because we are friends. One word comes to mind, WORTHLESS!

Worthless drama!

Worthless stress!

Worthless feelings!

Worthless everything!

When did we become so consumed in everyone else, that we forget to focus on ourselves? I mean, we do matter, right?

Well maybe we don't, at least not to everyone. 

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of wasting my time on worthless thoughts, feelings, and time spent with people who don't truly appreciate me.

People who think the world revolves around them. People who think they need to be reported to when they aren't around. People who unless they are around, wanna make everyone else feel bad because they feel left out. People who just plain and simply just want to be in "know" so they can feel needed. 

I'm talking about the same kind of person who is not there when you need them. The one you call and it goes to voice mail. The one who's response prompts an "well I was busy". The one who wants their name on everything but doesn't do the work. 

Sorry, I may be nice, but I am not gonna walk on eggshells so that everyone can feel that their included. 

See, the truth to the matter is that we give to things and people that make us feel good. So if all you do is cause me grief, well then my response is gonna be to avoid you like the plague.

I have written about this new "season" I'm in in my life. It also includes ridding myself of the negativity that swarms me like bees.

I'm constantly stuck in a battle between people. Is it really that hard to believe that you can have more than 1 friend? Not only have those friends, but be confident enough that you can trust that nothing can destroy that bond you have? How about everyone put your big girl panties on and realize that we are not in competition with each other, but supposed to be building each other up! 

It's become such a daily occurrence that I felt inclined to write about it. If you're reading this and you think it's about you....it probably is. So you have one of two choices....1.) get it together and grow up or 2.) remove yourself from my life. It's as simple as that. 

I will continue to pray that God helps me remain true to myself and my beliefs, because let it be known I am not changing what and who I stand for. 

We have the power to decide what we let affect us. I am choosing to be happier and negativity free!

"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty"-Steve Maraboli

It all starts with me

Recently I started a Lean Halloween Challenge. So far, I am 6 days in and I am doing great. But one of the questions I've been asked a lot lately is why? I get kinda stumped when being asked why? It's been pretty obvious for months now that I have been trying to make more time for myself and live a healthier lifestyle...or at least I thought it was....hahaha

But let me take a few minutes to explain...

Lets rewind to when Matt got back from deployment. A few months after he returned home he had some blood work done. His cholesterol was higher than it should be. I went into a panic. Why? Well the Grisham men suffer from various heart diseases. Matt's dad is in his 60's and has a pace maker, has had a quadruple heart bypass, and also has 10 stents in his heart. Recently we found out his hips are deteriorating as well. A man that can't be active cannot keep a failing heart functioning. I don't know about you, but that gives me the heebie jeebies. 

So, that's where I step in. I know I can't change the inevitable. Genetics is genetics. But, I can change the overall lifestyle of myself and my family. So, I sat back, did some research, and dug deep into myself to figure out a plan. One of the things I realized is that I can't change someone else, but I can change me. And as the primary cook, planner, and organizer of my family I could start to make changes in the way I cook and the routine of my family. Who has time for that right? Wrong! I do!!... and I will make the time. 

They say it only takes 28 days to make something a habit. Well I put myself on this 30 day challenge to prove just that. Not to anyone else. TO MYSELF! I am eating better, making better food choices, and being flexible with my time so I have time to work out and be active. All the while taking my family on this journey with me. 

I can't change the course of time. I definitely can't change God's plan. But I can change how I get where I want to go. If making better health choices keeps my husband living heart healthy for just 1 more year then I have done my job. 

Success isn't just about accomplishment. It's also about the things you do in your life to motivate & inspire others to do something motivating and inspiring in theirs. 

Happy Fall Y'all

There’s something about the fall weather that stirs up a million feelings inside of you.  As I’m writing this, I’m sitting and listening to music of a person playing the piano so beautifully.  As I’m sitting here, I can’t help but just think about how lucky I am to be where I am right now and how amazed I am about how quickly life tends to pass you by. I feel like, in a way, we get into this trance- always wanting the next best thing in life, that we never really stop to be grateful for the things we have.

When I was a little girl, I used to dream about being sixteen. I felt like sixteen was the golden age- you’re not quite a child anymore, but you’re not an adult with real-world responsibilities either.  I was so obsessed with the fact that turning sixteen meant that I got to get wear make-up and more freedom. And then, when I was sixteen, I couldn't wait until I turned eighteen. When I was eighteen, I used to be so excited to turn twenty-one. And twenty-one turned into dreaming about what it would feel like to get engaged and married.

I remember being that little girl who was fearless.

But she was also the girl that always fell too hard for people that she cared about. She was always that girl that loved too much and  never felt she was loved back.  She was always the one that felt invisible when she was lonely. She was always the one who was nice to everyone, no matter how mean they were to her and no matter how much they talked about her behind her back because she didn't give into peer pressure. She was always the one that lit up a room when she smiled. She was always the one that cared too much, but didn't care because she felt like everyone needed that someone to be that person for them. She always was the one who giggled when she thought something was funny. She was always that girl who wanted to explore life and the world.

I’ve always been amazed at how many people enter and exit from my life (being a military wife doesn't help). It’s always amazing to see how much people influence our lives. How a kind smile or a warm embrace is enough to make your day so much better. Or how a fight is enough to ruin your day. I think that everyone that enters your life makes an impact. That they change your life for the better. I’d like to believe that these kind exchanges are about the heart. Life is full of "would've, could’ve, should’ves" of chances you should’ve taken, or things you should’ve said when you had the chance to spill your heart’s contents. As Marilyn Monroe, once said, “we should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid, so are regrets.” I’m so thankful for the people who have walked into my life – who have changed my life without ever knowing it. Who taught me that life isn’t always fair, but it’s a beautiful one and that we should always be grateful for it. And that regrets are never as bad as we think they are because something better eventually finds us.

It feels like just yesterday, I made my first "big girl" decision to move cross country and in with my boyfriend (who later became my husband). The past "adult" years have been full of everything. If there’s truly one regret that I can’t work through, it’s that I sometimes look past being grateful for the things that are happening right now. I’ve always been busy looking ahead at things that might not exactly work out the way I’ve always pictured them to turn out, but throughout it all, I wouldn’t change a single second of it. Because I’ve grown in so many ways and I’ve learned so many lessons because of the things that my life has taken me through.

I guess, throughout all of this, I hope you realize that even though life is fragile, it’s a beautiful one and it’s the only chance we have to be the best people we can be. So love the ones that love you the way you should be loved, take every chance that life has given you, travel the world a million times if you have to, and enjoy what life has given you. Because no matter where you are, I think it’s important that you get there.

It's a wonderful life

I’ll admit; I've never payed much attention to my ability to write. I've never been a person that’s totally comfortable writing about myself or about the things I've been through. Maybe it’s because I’m not totally comfortable with myself or maybe it’s because I have a really hard time just letting go and learning how to trust people. I feel like people get really frustrated with me because I have a really hard time letting people find out who I really am. Sometimes, I feel like if I give everything away- my thoughts, my fears, my feelings- that once that person decides to leave (which they always do at one point or another), I won’t have anything left to myself. I love my best friends, and I have no earthly idea what I would do without them, but they don’t know everything about me, and sometimes, it’s really hard because I want to feel like I can tell them everything. I've been told so many times that I just have an absolute perfect knack for getting people together. Maybe the reason why I purposefully do that is because I truly want to see others happy and not feeling like their alone, because I know all too well what that feels like.

I've learned a lot this last year- who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life, what my deepest fears are, what makes me so happy, and who I am in Christ. There are still a ton of things that I have yet to learn, and for me, life is constantly showing me that I don’t know everything. I’m still learning. I’m still learning how to be a better person. And how to be a better wife. And how to be a better mother. And how to be a better friend. I’m not perfect- far from it. It frustrates me when people think I’m perfect or that I try to act like I’m perfect. People always ask how I keep my house clean, keep a busy schedule, and not lose my cool....but the thing is, I’m not trying to be perfect. At all. I feel like people won’t respect you unless you have respect for yourself. People should love you for your heart, not because of what you look like or the things that you've done. If you show people your heart and how much you care about them, people will like you for you. And if they don’t, well it’s their loss. I think that one of the biggest things that I've learned this year is that there’s so much more to people than meets the eye, and people are so much bolder and so much more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. Just remember, that sometimes, the way you think about a person, isn't the way they actually are.

None of us are perfect, and we’re trying; constantly trying- and struggling- to make sense out of this crazy world. We’re expected to know exactly who we are and who we want to be, and what we want out of life. We’re expected to know to be the best spouses, the Pinterest Mom, the social butterfly, volunteer for everything, and become as successful as we can. There’s so many struggles and so many pressures that constantly weigh down on us.  But the reality is, we all make mistakes. Every single one of us. Even me. But there’s only one person that I can think of that doesn't make mistakes - and that’s God. God created you for a reason. And God doesn't make mistakes.  And if there’s one thing I know- I am perfectly content with not being perfect. 

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends that have helped mold me into the person that I am, and I love each of you so, so, so much. You guys have been my light in times of darkness.

"For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13-14

My favorite season

Again! Again I've neglected my blog. And like all the other times I've neglected my writing, it's not for lack of things to write about.

We all have our "seasons" in life. You know the things we go through and become consumed in at certain times in our lives..??..

Well here recently I have come into a new season in my life.

I am now a Mom of two students! That's right I said it! I now have two children in school. While I am still not sure how I feel about all of this. One thing is for sure, I am changing. I am adjusting to this new season in my life.

My priorities are different. I am engaged in new projects and some of the things that were important to me, just aren't anymore.

See, something happens when you send your last kid off to school. You kinda become sheltered to the things that used to consume you. Long gone are the days of breastfeeding, baby wearing, and preschool prepping. Instead now I am dealing with extra curricular activity schedules, homework, and careful outfit choosing.
What's even more profound is how the people in my life are reacting to such change. I know it's not easy for everyone to understand, but these kind of changes aren't bad. It's just part of growing as Women and Mothers.

I've started to take more time for myself. Instead of a morning play date, I go to hot yoga. Instead of story time, I am doing a bible study. It's amazing what a couple of hours doing something for yourself can do to your self worth.
I am starting to realize the importance of taking time to take care of me. I mean lets be honest....when Mama is happy, everyone else is too.
As Moms I think we need to learn this idea in general. It's so important to care of yourself. You are the center of the home, the one who sets the tone, and the one who cares for everyone else. You are important. You are worthy of care and respite. Instead of pushing myself all the time, I am learning to move more slowly.

This season of my life promises to be an eye opener. And already I am seeing just how much my children and my husband are blessings. There are hard days and crazy moments but overall they are nothing short of blessings.

I apologize to my peeps if you feel a little neglected or like I am not there, I always am!

Life isn't perfect but a whole lot better if you feel happy and blessed :)

To go? or not to go? That is the question!

The title "stay at home mom" totally doesn't fit me.  Not because I think I am so much more than that (I am more than that, but I feel secure enough with myself to not feel threatened by the title), but because I don't actually spend a whole lot of time at my house.  Staying at home all the time just never seemed like a fun option for me. 

Interestingly, the fact that I go and do things, like shop with my kids seems to continually shock some people. I can't even begin to tell you the number of people (some I know and some I don't) that tell me that I am so brave and that they could never go out and about like I do with my kids.    

Since when is it considered "brave" to haul your kids around? 

So to the people that I know that think they could never go out with their kids the way that I do, you can.  I promise.  I don't know a single mom that couldn't handle it...or many dads for that matter.  Maybe it is because I surround myself with pretty awesome people, but I have never looked at one of my fellow moms and thought, "yeah, it would be way too much for you to handle" or  you should leave all "non kid related things" for when you only have to bring 1 kid. Or better yet?  You can't handle one kid very well either, so you should just go by yourself when your husband gets home."  Sounds ridiculous right? 

To the people I don't know, do I look like it is totally overwhelming and exhausting and this is your way of telling me so?  If that's the case, I am not exhausted  because my kids are there.  I just look like tired well because I am.  Or are you trying to pay me a compliment because I have three (some of the time) kids that I am out with?  If this is the case, can't you just pay my kids a compliment and leave me out of it?  But telling me that I am brave just seems a little ridiculous. 

I go about most of my day with kids in tow, and while some days it's frustrating, most days are actually filled with laughs and many adventures.  I am continually fascinated with my day to day life with my kids. The way they live life reminds me to slow down and explore the flowers when my instinct tends to be that of a "rushing" nature. 

NEVER feel bad about towing your kids around! We're Moms, it's what we do ;)

Ain't nobody got time fo' fake friends

A recent conversation with a friend sparked the topic for this months blog (like most do). When talking with her I realized that I know the pain that accompanies the betrayal of a false friend, it is a sting not like many others. I also know the relief of the removal of such a person from your life is just as great. Sometimes we are unaware of the wolves in sheep clothing that have crept into our houses. We are left to wonder which is worse? A) That they were wolves from the start or B) We are just now figuring it out? Either way, it hurts.

No matter how old we get, false friends can put deep scars on our hearts and big dents in our confidence. I have known this truth for as long as I have tried to make a friend or two, but each time I face it, I feel a sting. While studies report it is only natural to feel hurt when we are wronged, I still feel stupid for getting wronged so many times! It isn't easy forging friendships, so maybe that's why it hurts so badly when I think I have a friend I don't really have. It doesn't really matter if it is natural to have a sorrowful reaction or response to be thwarted, lousy friends are just plain lousy people. At the end of the day, these types of people don't deserve our friendship and they surely don't deserve the power to harm us.

I am getting better at acceptance and trusting there is a reason for the way things happen sometimes.We do not always understand why the temporary pain we feel may very well be for long term happiness. God, however, knows why every time and I can personally thank Him for removing certain people throughout my life I probably would have held on to ignorantly forever.

If someone has lied to you, hurt you or hindered your progress in life repeatedly, chances are they are wolves too. Forgiveness is necessary, but self sabotage is not. If you are involved with angry, jealous, or spiteful people posing as your friends yet acting more like your enemies, begin to take inventory of these types of people in your life and honestly start to remove them accordingly. Pray for strength and follow through. Pray for each person as well as you bid them farewell.

Fake friends are a very real problem for us all. Not many can say they have not experienced one in their life at some point. Despite a few bad apples, the harvest of your relationships will prove to be pie worthy! Do not be bitter in the betrayal of these people, but allow the experience to make you a bit better each time!

It's normal to want a friend. Friendships are great when they are mutually satisfying and respectful. Enjoy people whenever you can, but take caution to never get lost in your desire for friendship. 

I am very lucky to have a great group of ladies here who I love to be around.

Ain't nobody got time fo' that fakeness! :P