I stood up for myself! (go me)

I’m a firm believer that high school is a peak into our lives as they will be. Every social situation in your adult life is presented to you in high school with an extra dose or hormones and drama just to make it that much more fun.

Whether you're the quiet type or the outgoing say what's on your mind type (like me), it is a vicious cycle that sometimes is just entirely unavoidable.

And so it does not surprise me that bullying is a problem in my adult military spouse life, just as it was in civilian high school and just as it can be at any work job or in any social setting everywhere.

Instead of being shoved into lockers or openly mocked and degraded, adult bullying is a little more subtle, a little more backhanded and a little bit easier to just dismiss as “personality clashes", “differences in opinion,” or “she’s just hormonal.” Because hormones are an excuse for everything.

I have recently been put in a situation where I had to put my big girl panties on and stand up for what I believed in. I was questioned, I was mocked, my motives were questioned, and well it got me nowhere (at least not yet). 

I find that the military spouse community dishes up adult bullying with a unique and potent intensity that you are unlikely to encounter elsewhere in the adult world thanks to our unique circumstances and stresses. Sure, mean girls (and guys!) are everywhere but our lifestyle forces us to sort through a cross section of people groups, types and cultures  that we would be unlikely to encounter in any civilian setting and that can be far outside our comfort zones. That can bring to head a lot of personal insecurities. Add the stress of deployment, reintegration, injury and death to that and you’ve got a big bully pot ready to boil over.

Think you've never encountered a MilSpouse bully? You may be surprised:

This is real life!  Things that have been said to either people I know or, in one case, to me. 

We know from discussions surrounding our kids (and perhaps our own memories of being bullied in school) that such behavior is a form of power play. Child bullies are often riddled with personal insecurities and put others down as a way of building themselves up and making themselves feel better.

This is also true of adult bullies. But where we expect and even actively wait for kids and teens to act out, adult bullies can take us by surprise. Encountering someone who is genuinely backhanded and mean, especially in a community where there is strength in numbers and we hope everyone is on our side, can be downright shocking.

The goal of an adult bully is “to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and show them who is boss.”

When we teach our kids how to deal with bullies with tell them to walk away and, especially when the behavior turns vicious and violent, report it to an adult.

But how do you deal with a bully when you are both adults? 

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!!