Ain't nobody got time fo' fake friends

A recent conversation with a friend sparked the topic for this months blog (like most do). When talking with her I realized that I know the pain that accompanies the betrayal of a false friend, it is a sting not like many others. I also know the relief of the removal of such a person from your life is just as great. Sometimes we are unaware of the wolves in sheep clothing that have crept into our houses. We are left to wonder which is worse? A) That they were wolves from the start or B) We are just now figuring it out? Either way, it hurts.

No matter how old we get, false friends can put deep scars on our hearts and big dents in our confidence. I have known this truth for as long as I have tried to make a friend or two, but each time I face it, I feel a sting. While studies report it is only natural to feel hurt when we are wronged, I still feel stupid for getting wronged so many times! It isn't easy forging friendships, so maybe that's why it hurts so badly when I think I have a friend I don't really have. It doesn't really matter if it is natural to have a sorrowful reaction or response to be thwarted, lousy friends are just plain lousy people. At the end of the day, these types of people don't deserve our friendship and they surely don't deserve the power to harm us.

I am getting better at acceptance and trusting there is a reason for the way things happen sometimes.We do not always understand why the temporary pain we feel may very well be for long term happiness. God, however, knows why every time and I can personally thank Him for removing certain people throughout my life I probably would have held on to ignorantly forever.

If someone has lied to you, hurt you or hindered your progress in life repeatedly, chances are they are wolves too. Forgiveness is necessary, but self sabotage is not. If you are involved with angry, jealous, or spiteful people posing as your friends yet acting more like your enemies, begin to take inventory of these types of people in your life and honestly start to remove them accordingly. Pray for strength and follow through. Pray for each person as well as you bid them farewell.

Fake friends are a very real problem for us all. Not many can say they have not experienced one in their life at some point. Despite a few bad apples, the harvest of your relationships will prove to be pie worthy! Do not be bitter in the betrayal of these people, but allow the experience to make you a bit better each time!

It's normal to want a friend. Friendships are great when they are mutually satisfying and respectful. Enjoy people whenever you can, but take caution to never get lost in your desire for friendship. 

I am very lucky to have a great group of ladies here who I love to be around.

Ain't nobody got time fo' that fakeness! :P

A little spiritual lesson

 I have always found it quite enticing to try to figure what life has in store for me. To treat my life like a game of poker and just hope for the best kind of luck.
I had a conversation with a friend recently about how God works in us. How we react to our "human" self and our "spiritual" self.  A lot of times both want the same thing, but not at the pace of the other. I am guilty of trying to pave my own path and listening to my "human" self rather than my "spiritual" self. But where does that really get us? For me it usually leads to trouble, loneliness, discontentment, heartache, and frustration.
A lot of times I forget that my path is already paved out for me. That I must learn to rely more on Gods plan rather than my own. That even though I think I have it all together...I don't. I'm a mess, but he loves me anyway. I think in order to fully understand this, one must remove their blinders and just remember that although it may seem like a long and curvy road, we can get through this!

I am very thankful for some amazing people I have in my life. For without them, I wouldn't be able to find the connection between my "human" self and "spiritual" self. It's those moments when I can connect with my friends and know that God is working on me. That he has put these people here to remind and guide me.  I truly believe it's one of those moments when God gives you two revelations....the one to our "spiritual" self that we need to rely on him and one to our "human" self that we are not alone. He shows us through our struggles who is important in our walk with him. It's a 2 for 1. Leave it to God to one up us ;)

She's got it all together...she's Super Mom! Or is she?

I recently had a few different conversations with some of my friends. While all of them are so amazing to me! They shared a common thought. For some reason they all seem to think that I have it "all together". While I appreciate the sentiment, I can't help but think they might have had too much wine lol OR....really don't know me at all.
I know the areas in my life that I excel, none of them being "perfect".  I am a pretty good cook. I plan awesome weekends with my family.  I volunteer. I am the gatherer of people. I can make you laugh. I'm a great friend. And the list could go on.....but let me tell you something about myself.....I'M A HOT MESS!

What you might not know about me is:

• I do laundry weekly, but it doesn't get put away until I need the laundry basket for the next weeks laundry.
• I don't actually put my clothes away...they sit on my dresser. In a nice flat pile...organization is key right?
• I swear
• I hide snacks for myself
• I put myself together, then when my day is done (that is when I am done running around), I put my "fat pants" on and watch T.V. 
• I workout, but I hate running and will never do a marathon
• The only yoga my pants see is the kind where I look like one of those blow up dancing things you see at car dealerships (it's not cute, it's crazy)
•  I'm not a size 4
•  I don't have a "to die for" wardrobe
• My house isn't always as clean as it looks
• I hate negativity
• My schedule is as crazy as I am
• I have a love hate relationship with Pinterest
• I let my kids eat fast food
• I probably let my kids eat too much pizza and french fries
• I can't sew (I can fix a hole, that's about it)
• I wish I had more alone time with my husband
• I wake up at 730 not "o'dark thirty"

And this list too can go on and on.................

I have friends who worry that they are the only ones who aren't a Super Mom.

No one is a Super Mom!

Not me, not you, not her, not anyone.

I don't believe that Super Moms exists. I believe being a Super Mom is learning to accept that we are imperfect. I make mistakes, and I own them. I want my image of the Super Mom to be that of a Mom who ignores dishes to play with her kids, who accepts her own flaws and still tries to be the best wife and Mom she can be.

Wife Life....and how to deal with the "Marine Wife" title

I hear a lot of uncertainty from people regarding the mysteries of military life, whether fresh in, fresh out, PCSing, or just curious about what it's like. It's different for everyone, but over all, I say there are far more positives than negatives!

My best advice is to meet people, put yourself in positions to have to talk to people you normally wouldn't, ask questions but listen more than you speak, remain respectful, don't ever slander someone or something or  assume you don't know what you're talking about (because you probably don't), and honor everyone in uniform, regardless of rank or status. Be courteous, be gentle, be good, be honest. Don't say "yes sir" to a question if you don't understand it. Communication flies at lightning speed with the language of acronyms, and when you don't know what something is, ask. Better yet, make friends with women who are willing to teach you the ropes instead of asking your husband's command (if your husband isn't around) your questions. They don't have time, and they don't care. Your responsibility is to prove that you can stand strong whether or not you have someone spoon-feeding you. That's what the men and women who serve are expected to do. As a wife, that's now your job, too. Don't be a ditz. Don't mistake a person's kindness for weakness. Be real and be to the point. Books are probably great to read. I commend myself for getting off my butt and learning without being prideful, and saw that I wasn't a wife wanting to sit home and watch talk shows all day and paint my nails. I wanted to get down and dirty and serve with the rest of 'em. Make a routine. Stick to it. Give yourself your own personal goals to meet every time your husband is away training or deployed. When he's home, put him first. When he's away, continue to put him first in whatever ways you can. Distance offers key opportunities (just as close proximity does) to express your adoration toward not only him as a Warrior but as the husband of your dreams and the number one Daddy. Devote your time to making sure he's appreciated by taking care of your duties: Upkeep of wherever you live, physical/mental/spiritual care for yourself and your children if you have any, social functions - so that your friendships don't fall apart while he's "gone", and keeping family and loved ones informed of whatever you can inform them of. Understand I would never dream of violating OPSEC, and it must always be in your mind, as well. The security of our defense system rides quite a bit more on your professionalism as a Corps Wife than you might think. It's a lot to think about, but as much of a responsibility it is (which some women relish in), it is fun. Spend time learning, and use your knowledge wisely. Anchor yourself in truth and relish in the fact that you are part of the most elite branch of the military, supporting those on the front lines: The President's Own. Yes, it's up for debate, but I do believe the Marines as a whole train harder than the other US defense forces combined. I've heard that from Army soldiers and Navy Corpsmen as well. It is totally foolish and time-wasting to dispute "Which branch is the best" though,  regardless of my opinions and some opinions of others....so I'll leave you with this:

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.” -Steve Maraboli

Mean Girls!

Recently I ran into my first Mother/Daughter experience of "Mean Girls". 

Uggggg!  This may be my top worry.  I’ve been here.  I think every woman alive can associate with being both a mean girl and having experienced a mean girl.  I have certainly been both.  I don’t know why it happens, but it seems to be happening earlier and earlier.  I thought mean girls started in middle school but I've seen that it actually can happen with six-year-olds. I think it is very immature for "Mommy" disagreements to rub off on the kids. I would never tell my daughter that she couldn't be friends with another little girl just because her Mother and I didn't see eye to eye. And while I tried to "sugar coat" the incident to my precious little angel. I just had to be honest and tell her that this is just how it is sometimes. A best friend suddenly doesn’t like you anymore.  You’re ostracized from the school lunch table with no warning. 

 A group of girls deems you unworthy.  I hate that this is coming.  I just want to wrap my arms around my sweet girl and tell her she will always be loved, she will always be beautiful no matter what anyone else says. No matter the situation my daughter finds herself in, I want her to be comfortable enough in her own skin to stand up for what she believes in.  I want her to feel ok being the odd ball out (that’s a tall order, I know!)  I definitely caved to the pressure on a few occasions and know she will too.  But I want her to know that most of her friends will be just as uncomfortable as she is..no matter the situation.  And sometimes, it just takes one person to say “no thank you” to give the rest of the crowd permission to say the same.  I hope I raise that child.  If not, that’s ok too. She’ll live and learn, but I hope that I can give her that confidence in herself. I wish what I said was all that mattered, but we are quickly coming upon the days when that won’t be true.  I want her to stay sweet, to be friendly to everyone.  I’m being unrealistic I know, but one can hope she becomes.......

Dear.....

Dear Self, remember this blog? Why have you neglected me?  Honestly the answer to that is since the first week of January my husband has been taking my laptop to Career Course with him, and well writing a blog on a tablet or phone just isn't that easy. I have tons of things I want to write about, but the last few weeks have been super busy for me. I promise I won't neglect you this long again.  

Dear Facebook, "you are the root of all evil," as some might say. But this week I have to agree with them. Watching friend's/family - or old friends who have become strangers - lives unfold on a computer screen is odd and unnatural. I'll keep my page, but from now on I'll do less viewing, or scrolling... at least I'll try. You're like a drug. GO AWAY! 

Dear Volunteer Self, you've tested my patience once again this week, and pushed me to crack open a bottle of wine. Which if I am being totally honest, would have happened either way. But you escalated it! I'll just say I'm glad I truly enjoy the women I work with. They make everything worth it in the end. 

Dear Marine Corps, THANK YOU for providing my husband a steady paycheck. But can I have him back now?  This course has been kicking him in the rear. 

Dear Husband, I apologize for being so moody this week. I guess you could say I am a little overzealous at times. I love you. Can't wait for date night! 

Dear Bipolar Virginia Weather, you and I have a love hate relationship. I love that I can style my hair without it looking like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket....but a little consistency would be nice. 

A little art from the heart

For as long as I can remember, I have been profoundly enchanted with tattoos. I always have wanted to get a back tattoo. Not like the little "tramp stamp" of 2 dolphins I already have. But like an entire piece of of carefully thought out and meaningful art on my back. I constantly get inspiration from and for them: case-in-point, during a recent conversation with a friend about the thought process that goes into getting a tattoo, I started thinking about the similarities between getting inked and blogging:

It Takes Commitment

People (should) get a tattoo with the intention of it being a permanent addition in their life. Although there’s no “no going back now” pressure with a blog, it still takes commitment and dedication to make it worth the while for both you and your readers. You shouldn't get a tattoo you won’t still love at age 60, and you really shouldn't blog if you don’t see yourself keeping up with it.

Put Some Thought Into It

It’s just as easy to tell which tattoos were picked out off of a flash wall as it is which bloggers don’t have a passion for what they’re writing about. Your blog and its subsequent posts should mean something to you the way a sentimental tattoo has meaning to the wearer. Otherwise, your blog will become the equivalent of a middle-aged housewife with Winnie the Pooh on her ankle (I’m looking at you, Kate Gosselin).

Expect and Encourage Engagement

Part of the territory that comes with getting any sort of visible tattoo is that you have to expect and I’d say enjoy having people approach you and start conversations with you about them. Think of your blog as a highly-visible, thought-provoking tattoo: it should encourage engagement and interaction from others and spark a two-way conversation.

So, just as carefully as I write my blogs, I have been very careful in my thought process for my tattoo. I have FINALLY come up with an idea and picture of what I want it to look like. All the "artsiness" of it has meaning and it was been thought about over and over. It took me 2 years to get up the courage to start a blog. Well this tattoo has been a lifetime in the making (and 3 years of planning). I can't wait to find an artist who sees my vision and can portray this wonderful life of mine on my back.