Lost without my brother

They say a little piece of your family history is ripped away when a sibling dies. My heart is breaking as my “little big” brother passed away a little over a month ago. 

If you're anything like me, you grew up with parents who were like super heroes, and siblings who were gonna rule the world with you one day. You grew up naive to the world that surrounded you. Because through a child's eyes, that's what being "big" looked like. Don't get me wrong, I knew that bad things happened, and people died. But I had created a world where my family was untouchable, where nothing would ever happen to them.

There are no words to describe the loss of a sibling. If you lose a spouse-you're a widow. If you lose your parents-you're an orphan. If you lose a sibling.....you are just a girl who lost her brother. 

I will never forget that morning. I was cooking breakfast for 11 little girls who had just had what they described as the "best night ever". I had missed a call from my dad. I hadn't noticed due to the talking and laughs happening in my dining room. It wasn't unusual to get a call from California at 530 a.m. PST because on Sundays my parents went ballooning. After the girls were fed, I sent them downstairs to get ready and I called my dad back. He answered but said he was driving, "I'll call you back in a few". About 15 minutes later the call that forever changed my life arrived. "Amber Jon is gone". Gone? Where did he go? 

I cried on and off for the rest of the day, and the days that followed. I traveled home to California 3 days after his accident. It felt so surreal walking into our home. The home my parents got for us kids. The home we all grew up in. It didn’t matter that he was a grown man and we had lives of our own now.  I’d lost my brother and it was like I was 14 years old all over again, walking through the house expecting to see him.  He wasn’t in the usual places he used to be and I was the one who felt lost without him. Gradually I let it sink in that he had passed on from this world and was now in another place. 

The hardest part of all this was not what I was going through, it was seeing what my parents were going through. I didn't just grieve as a sister and a daughter. I grieved as a parent. There is nothing that will hit you in the feels more than watching parents grieve for their child. There is nothing that will erase the memory of the moment I was walking out of that mortuary watching my mom carry my brother in an urn.

The night before I returned home to Virginia I slept in his room. I felt some calm in the storm. There is no statute of limitation on grief. There is no time limit to waking up crying. There is no special cure for those dull aches in my heart that don't seem to ever go away. I'm looking forward to the day when I find myself talking about him and not feeling uncomfortable. I'm waiting for the day when the universe sends me a sign to let me know that I'm going to be okay.

My parents thanked me for my strength and for taking on what I did while I was home. No thanks needed mom and dad. THANK YOU! Thank you for being amazing parents. Thank you for my brother (even when I was a 5 year old little brat crying that I wanted a sister). Thank you for giving us a good life and instilling in us the importance of family. Thank you for all the memories you made possible. 

I will forever hold all the memories of our time together in my heart. I can't imagine the rest of my life without Jon, but I I find comfort knowing he is now our guardian angel. 

Time, time is moving...and I may or may not be okay with it

My kids are growing. Soon they’ll enter the "grown years", when mothers become a barely tolerated presence in their kids’ lives. All we're gonna be good for is food, cash, and transportation. With that in mind, I’m trying like hell to enjoy the time I’ve got left in the "little kid" years.

And I do enjoy a lot of it. I love that my kids still rely on goodnight hugs, kisses, and stories read aloud in order to fall asleep. I do. It’s too bad that this special time always comes at the end of the day when my nerves are frayed and my wine is downstairs waiting for me with the promise of peace and quiet.

I love that my kids still crave my approval and I know I’ll miss it when they no longer need or want my attention. But really, I just can’t get interested in what you accomplished in your kindle game and the fact that song you’re singing was cute, an hour ago.

These little kid years are fleeting and all the magic that comes with them is but a moment in our children’s lives. As parents we know this so we try to drink up all the magic, and create even more by putting our children in situations where there will be more and more and more magic. Our little kids’ wonder is our drug.

We bring our children on dreamy kid vacations so we can see that look on their faces – the one of pure wonder and joy that only little kids have. And we get it. We get that moment and our hearts fill, our cups runneth over, and we gain the emotional fortitude it takes not to strangle them when they’re falling apart a few minutes later, throwing epic fits born of over stimulation, exhaustion, and too much sunshine. We get our fill of the magic, and we don’t commit murder when they cry from hunger, freak out, and complain the entire car ride home.

As with so many of the lovely things in life, little-kidhood is a two-sided coin. One side is full of giggles, cuddles, and wonder. It’s all enthusiasm. It’s witnessing a person encounter a firefly for the first time, or a shooting star. It’s understanding that there is no greater thing than s’mores, a snow day, or a rainbow. The other side is quite the opposite. If a day can be the “best day ever!” because of a lollipop, likewise, it can be the worst because of green beans touching potatoes. A sibling can be a best friend, and a mortal enemy vying for the love of the people who should only have eyes for you.

This tricky coin flips easily and many times per day. Anything can flip it. There are known triggers that we parents work hard to mitigate: hunger, fatigue, over stimulation, errands, lines, frustration, transition, waiting 5 more minutes for anything, but especially dinner. It can flip back just as easily.  We parents live our lives by this fickle coin.

I’m trying hard to relish the waning years of little-kidness remaining to me. I marinate in morning snuggles and sweetness, which helps me manage later-morning attitude. I exalt moments of sibling playfulness, full of princess dresses, super hero antics, and astonishing imagination. This helps me through sibling fights full of yelling, hitting, and inevitable crying. I cherish childish mispronunciations and misunderstandings. Mostly, I have to be actively mindful of my limited time in this space. My kids are getting bigger. I have to get all the cuddles now.

We should empower, but not belittle!

Something has been bothering me a lot lately. I have seen and been the backlash of a lot crap talking. Women belittling other women. To be specific, I'm talking about the topic of being fit. Since when has it become a crime for a woman to want to  better herself and become more healthy? And who are "you" to judge that fact?

I understand that life happens. And it may not be on everyone's agenda. Some people may be happy with themselves. Some may be battling a deeper battle. And some of us just like to feel good.

I'm quite tired of hearing "you skinny bitch", "must be nice to have time", "you're so lucky", etc. I would never put someone down for being the complete opposite.
First off I am not skinny, I weigh 138 lbs and have curves. Second, I do have time. I paid my dues, I raise and stay home with 2 (sometimes 3 kids) and I believe it is my right to be able to utilize the time they are at school to focus on me. Lastly, I am lucky. I know that. But I also make the time and commit myself to being better than I was yesterday.

I will be the first to admit I have envied other women for their ability to do "everything" while looking good. But I also have done a lot of soul searching and have had to learn to be happy with who and what I am.

I would never in a million years put down a woman for trying to better herself. That is something that should be praised. Instead of putting each other down we should be building each other up! 

So with that said, I will keep posting my pics and I will keep "like"-ing yours too! We are on this
journey together! :)

Keep on keeping on,
AMG

Truth be told

I'm sitting here thinking about things that have been happening in lives of people around me, and how although not much of it deals with me directly, I'm still being affected by it all. People who are supposed to be my friends are choosing to push me away because they no longer have a "need" for me. And some of those whom I have a friendship with,  are having stress put on them because we are friends. One word comes to mind, WORTHLESS!

Worthless drama!

Worthless stress!

Worthless feelings!

Worthless everything!

When did we become so consumed in everyone else, that we forget to focus on ourselves? I mean, we do matter, right?

Well maybe we don't, at least not to everyone. 

I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired of wasting my time on worthless thoughts, feelings, and time spent with people who don't truly appreciate me.

People who think the world revolves around them. People who think they need to be reported to when they aren't around. People who unless they are around, wanna make everyone else feel bad because they feel left out. People who just plain and simply just want to be in "know" so they can feel needed. 

I'm talking about the same kind of person who is not there when you need them. The one you call and it goes to voice mail. The one who's response prompts an "well I was busy". The one who wants their name on everything but doesn't do the work. 

Sorry, I may be nice, but I am not gonna walk on eggshells so that everyone can feel that their included. 

See, the truth to the matter is that we give to things and people that make us feel good. So if all you do is cause me grief, well then my response is gonna be to avoid you like the plague.

I have written about this new "season" I'm in in my life. It also includes ridding myself of the negativity that swarms me like bees.

I'm constantly stuck in a battle between people. Is it really that hard to believe that you can have more than 1 friend? Not only have those friends, but be confident enough that you can trust that nothing can destroy that bond you have? How about everyone put your big girl panties on and realize that we are not in competition with each other, but supposed to be building each other up! 

It's become such a daily occurrence that I felt inclined to write about it. If you're reading this and you think it's about you....it probably is. So you have one of two choices....1.) get it together and grow up or 2.) remove yourself from my life. It's as simple as that. 

I will continue to pray that God helps me remain true to myself and my beliefs, because let it be known I am not changing what and who I stand for. 

We have the power to decide what we let affect us. I am choosing to be happier and negativity free!

"There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty"-Steve Maraboli

It all starts with me

Recently I started a Lean Halloween Challenge. So far, I am 6 days in and I am doing great. But one of the questions I've been asked a lot lately is why? I get kinda stumped when being asked why? It's been pretty obvious for months now that I have been trying to make more time for myself and live a healthier lifestyle...or at least I thought it was....hahaha

But let me take a few minutes to explain...

Lets rewind to when Matt got back from deployment. A few months after he returned home he had some blood work done. His cholesterol was higher than it should be. I went into a panic. Why? Well the Grisham men suffer from various heart diseases. Matt's dad is in his 60's and has a pace maker, has had a quadruple heart bypass, and also has 10 stents in his heart. Recently we found out his hips are deteriorating as well. A man that can't be active cannot keep a failing heart functioning. I don't know about you, but that gives me the heebie jeebies. 

So, that's where I step in. I know I can't change the inevitable. Genetics is genetics. But, I can change the overall lifestyle of myself and my family. So, I sat back, did some research, and dug deep into myself to figure out a plan. One of the things I realized is that I can't change someone else, but I can change me. And as the primary cook, planner, and organizer of my family I could start to make changes in the way I cook and the routine of my family. Who has time for that right? Wrong! I do!!... and I will make the time. 

They say it only takes 28 days to make something a habit. Well I put myself on this 30 day challenge to prove just that. Not to anyone else. TO MYSELF! I am eating better, making better food choices, and being flexible with my time so I have time to work out and be active. All the while taking my family on this journey with me. 

I can't change the course of time. I definitely can't change God's plan. But I can change how I get where I want to go. If making better health choices keeps my husband living heart healthy for just 1 more year then I have done my job. 

Success isn't just about accomplishment. It's also about the things you do in your life to motivate & inspire others to do something motivating and inspiring in theirs. 

Happy Fall Y'all

There’s something about the fall weather that stirs up a million feelings inside of you.  As I’m writing this, I’m sitting and listening to music of a person playing the piano so beautifully.  As I’m sitting here, I can’t help but just think about how lucky I am to be where I am right now and how amazed I am about how quickly life tends to pass you by. I feel like, in a way, we get into this trance- always wanting the next best thing in life, that we never really stop to be grateful for the things we have.

When I was a little girl, I used to dream about being sixteen. I felt like sixteen was the golden age- you’re not quite a child anymore, but you’re not an adult with real-world responsibilities either.  I was so obsessed with the fact that turning sixteen meant that I got to get wear make-up and more freedom. And then, when I was sixteen, I couldn't wait until I turned eighteen. When I was eighteen, I used to be so excited to turn twenty-one. And twenty-one turned into dreaming about what it would feel like to get engaged and married.

I remember being that little girl who was fearless.

But she was also the girl that always fell too hard for people that she cared about. She was always that girl that loved too much and  never felt she was loved back.  She was always the one that felt invisible when she was lonely. She was always the one who was nice to everyone, no matter how mean they were to her and no matter how much they talked about her behind her back because she didn't give into peer pressure. She was always the one that lit up a room when she smiled. She was always the one that cared too much, but didn't care because she felt like everyone needed that someone to be that person for them. She always was the one who giggled when she thought something was funny. She was always that girl who wanted to explore life and the world.

I’ve always been amazed at how many people enter and exit from my life (being a military wife doesn't help). It’s always amazing to see how much people influence our lives. How a kind smile or a warm embrace is enough to make your day so much better. Or how a fight is enough to ruin your day. I think that everyone that enters your life makes an impact. That they change your life for the better. I’d like to believe that these kind exchanges are about the heart. Life is full of "would've, could’ve, should’ves" of chances you should’ve taken, or things you should’ve said when you had the chance to spill your heart’s contents. As Marilyn Monroe, once said, “we should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid, so are regrets.” I’m so thankful for the people who have walked into my life – who have changed my life without ever knowing it. Who taught me that life isn’t always fair, but it’s a beautiful one and that we should always be grateful for it. And that regrets are never as bad as we think they are because something better eventually finds us.

It feels like just yesterday, I made my first "big girl" decision to move cross country and in with my boyfriend (who later became my husband). The past "adult" years have been full of everything. If there’s truly one regret that I can’t work through, it’s that I sometimes look past being grateful for the things that are happening right now. I’ve always been busy looking ahead at things that might not exactly work out the way I’ve always pictured them to turn out, but throughout it all, I wouldn’t change a single second of it. Because I’ve grown in so many ways and I’ve learned so many lessons because of the things that my life has taken me through.

I guess, throughout all of this, I hope you realize that even though life is fragile, it’s a beautiful one and it’s the only chance we have to be the best people we can be. So love the ones that love you the way you should be loved, take every chance that life has given you, travel the world a million times if you have to, and enjoy what life has given you. Because no matter where you are, I think it’s important that you get there.

It's a wonderful life

I’ll admit; I've never payed much attention to my ability to write. I've never been a person that’s totally comfortable writing about myself or about the things I've been through. Maybe it’s because I’m not totally comfortable with myself or maybe it’s because I have a really hard time just letting go and learning how to trust people. I feel like people get really frustrated with me because I have a really hard time letting people find out who I really am. Sometimes, I feel like if I give everything away- my thoughts, my fears, my feelings- that once that person decides to leave (which they always do at one point or another), I won’t have anything left to myself. I love my best friends, and I have no earthly idea what I would do without them, but they don’t know everything about me, and sometimes, it’s really hard because I want to feel like I can tell them everything. I've been told so many times that I just have an absolute perfect knack for getting people together. Maybe the reason why I purposefully do that is because I truly want to see others happy and not feeling like their alone, because I know all too well what that feels like.

I've learned a lot this last year- who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life, what my deepest fears are, what makes me so happy, and who I am in Christ. There are still a ton of things that I have yet to learn, and for me, life is constantly showing me that I don’t know everything. I’m still learning. I’m still learning how to be a better person. And how to be a better wife. And how to be a better mother. And how to be a better friend. I’m not perfect- far from it. It frustrates me when people think I’m perfect or that I try to act like I’m perfect. People always ask how I keep my house clean, keep a busy schedule, and not lose my cool....but the thing is, I’m not trying to be perfect. At all. I feel like people won’t respect you unless you have respect for yourself. People should love you for your heart, not because of what you look like or the things that you've done. If you show people your heart and how much you care about them, people will like you for you. And if they don’t, well it’s their loss. I think that one of the biggest things that I've learned this year is that there’s so much more to people than meets the eye, and people are so much bolder and so much more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. Just remember, that sometimes, the way you think about a person, isn't the way they actually are.

None of us are perfect, and we’re trying; constantly trying- and struggling- to make sense out of this crazy world. We’re expected to know exactly who we are and who we want to be, and what we want out of life. We’re expected to know to be the best spouses, the Pinterest Mom, the social butterfly, volunteer for everything, and become as successful as we can. There’s so many struggles and so many pressures that constantly weigh down on us.  But the reality is, we all make mistakes. Every single one of us. Even me. But there’s only one person that I can think of that doesn't make mistakes - and that’s God. God created you for a reason. And God doesn't make mistakes.  And if there’s one thing I know- I am perfectly content with not being perfect. 

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends that have helped mold me into the person that I am, and I love each of you so, so, so much. You guys have been my light in times of darkness.

"For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13-14

My favorite season

Again! Again I've neglected my blog. And like all the other times I've neglected my writing, it's not for lack of things to write about.

We all have our "seasons" in life. You know the things we go through and become consumed in at certain times in our lives..??..

Well here recently I have come into a new season in my life.

I am now a Mom of two students! That's right I said it! I now have two children in school. While I am still not sure how I feel about all of this. One thing is for sure, I am changing. I am adjusting to this new season in my life.

My priorities are different. I am engaged in new projects and some of the things that were important to me, just aren't anymore.

See, something happens when you send your last kid off to school. You kinda become sheltered to the things that used to consume you. Long gone are the days of breastfeeding, baby wearing, and preschool prepping. Instead now I am dealing with extra curricular activity schedules, homework, and careful outfit choosing.
What's even more profound is how the people in my life are reacting to such change. I know it's not easy for everyone to understand, but these kind of changes aren't bad. It's just part of growing as Women and Mothers.

I've started to take more time for myself. Instead of a morning play date, I go to hot yoga. Instead of story time, I am doing a bible study. It's amazing what a couple of hours doing something for yourself can do to your self worth.
I am starting to realize the importance of taking time to take care of me. I mean lets be honest....when Mama is happy, everyone else is too.
As Moms I think we need to learn this idea in general. It's so important to care of yourself. You are the center of the home, the one who sets the tone, and the one who cares for everyone else. You are important. You are worthy of care and respite. Instead of pushing myself all the time, I am learning to move more slowly.

This season of my life promises to be an eye opener. And already I am seeing just how much my children and my husband are blessings. There are hard days and crazy moments but overall they are nothing short of blessings.

I apologize to my peeps if you feel a little neglected or like I am not there, I always am!

Life isn't perfect but a whole lot better if you feel happy and blessed :)

To go? or not to go? That is the question!

The title "stay at home mom" totally doesn't fit me.  Not because I think I am so much more than that (I am more than that, but I feel secure enough with myself to not feel threatened by the title), but because I don't actually spend a whole lot of time at my house.  Staying at home all the time just never seemed like a fun option for me. 

Interestingly, the fact that I go and do things, like shop with my kids seems to continually shock some people. I can't even begin to tell you the number of people (some I know and some I don't) that tell me that I am so brave and that they could never go out and about like I do with my kids.    

Since when is it considered "brave" to haul your kids around? 

So to the people that I know that think they could never go out with their kids the way that I do, you can.  I promise.  I don't know a single mom that couldn't handle it...or many dads for that matter.  Maybe it is because I surround myself with pretty awesome people, but I have never looked at one of my fellow moms and thought, "yeah, it would be way too much for you to handle" or  you should leave all "non kid related things" for when you only have to bring 1 kid. Or better yet?  You can't handle one kid very well either, so you should just go by yourself when your husband gets home."  Sounds ridiculous right? 

To the people I don't know, do I look like it is totally overwhelming and exhausting and this is your way of telling me so?  If that's the case, I am not exhausted  because my kids are there.  I just look like tired well because I am.  Or are you trying to pay me a compliment because I have three (some of the time) kids that I am out with?  If this is the case, can't you just pay my kids a compliment and leave me out of it?  But telling me that I am brave just seems a little ridiculous. 

I go about most of my day with kids in tow, and while some days it's frustrating, most days are actually filled with laughs and many adventures.  I am continually fascinated with my day to day life with my kids. The way they live life reminds me to slow down and explore the flowers when my instinct tends to be that of a "rushing" nature. 

NEVER feel bad about towing your kids around! We're Moms, it's what we do ;)

Ain't nobody got time fo' fake friends

A recent conversation with a friend sparked the topic for this months blog (like most do). When talking with her I realized that I know the pain that accompanies the betrayal of a false friend, it is a sting not like many others. I also know the relief of the removal of such a person from your life is just as great. Sometimes we are unaware of the wolves in sheep clothing that have crept into our houses. We are left to wonder which is worse? A) That they were wolves from the start or B) We are just now figuring it out? Either way, it hurts.

No matter how old we get, false friends can put deep scars on our hearts and big dents in our confidence. I have known this truth for as long as I have tried to make a friend or two, but each time I face it, I feel a sting. While studies report it is only natural to feel hurt when we are wronged, I still feel stupid for getting wronged so many times! It isn't easy forging friendships, so maybe that's why it hurts so badly when I think I have a friend I don't really have. It doesn't really matter if it is natural to have a sorrowful reaction or response to be thwarted, lousy friends are just plain lousy people. At the end of the day, these types of people don't deserve our friendship and they surely don't deserve the power to harm us.

I am getting better at acceptance and trusting there is a reason for the way things happen sometimes.We do not always understand why the temporary pain we feel may very well be for long term happiness. God, however, knows why every time and I can personally thank Him for removing certain people throughout my life I probably would have held on to ignorantly forever.

If someone has lied to you, hurt you or hindered your progress in life repeatedly, chances are they are wolves too. Forgiveness is necessary, but self sabotage is not. If you are involved with angry, jealous, or spiteful people posing as your friends yet acting more like your enemies, begin to take inventory of these types of people in your life and honestly start to remove them accordingly. Pray for strength and follow through. Pray for each person as well as you bid them farewell.

Fake friends are a very real problem for us all. Not many can say they have not experienced one in their life at some point. Despite a few bad apples, the harvest of your relationships will prove to be pie worthy! Do not be bitter in the betrayal of these people, but allow the experience to make you a bit better each time!

It's normal to want a friend. Friendships are great when they are mutually satisfying and respectful. Enjoy people whenever you can, but take caution to never get lost in your desire for friendship. 

I am very lucky to have a great group of ladies here who I love to be around.

Ain't nobody got time fo' that fakeness! :P

A little spiritual lesson

 I have always found it quite enticing to try to figure what life has in store for me. To treat my life like a game of poker and just hope for the best kind of luck.
I had a conversation with a friend recently about how God works in us. How we react to our "human" self and our "spiritual" self.  A lot of times both want the same thing, but not at the pace of the other. I am guilty of trying to pave my own path and listening to my "human" self rather than my "spiritual" self. But where does that really get us? For me it usually leads to trouble, loneliness, discontentment, heartache, and frustration.
A lot of times I forget that my path is already paved out for me. That I must learn to rely more on Gods plan rather than my own. That even though I think I have it all together...I don't. I'm a mess, but he loves me anyway. I think in order to fully understand this, one must remove their blinders and just remember that although it may seem like a long and curvy road, we can get through this!

I am very thankful for some amazing people I have in my life. For without them, I wouldn't be able to find the connection between my "human" self and "spiritual" self. It's those moments when I can connect with my friends and know that God is working on me. That he has put these people here to remind and guide me.  I truly believe it's one of those moments when God gives you two revelations....the one to our "spiritual" self that we need to rely on him and one to our "human" self that we are not alone. He shows us through our struggles who is important in our walk with him. It's a 2 for 1. Leave it to God to one up us ;)

She's got it all together...she's Super Mom! Or is she?

I recently had a few different conversations with some of my friends. While all of them are so amazing to me! They shared a common thought. For some reason they all seem to think that I have it "all together". While I appreciate the sentiment, I can't help but think they might have had too much wine lol OR....really don't know me at all.
I know the areas in my life that I excel, none of them being "perfect".  I am a pretty good cook. I plan awesome weekends with my family.  I volunteer. I am the gatherer of people. I can make you laugh. I'm a great friend. And the list could go on.....but let me tell you something about myself.....I'M A HOT MESS!

What you might not know about me is:

• I do laundry weekly, but it doesn't get put away until I need the laundry basket for the next weeks laundry.
• I don't actually put my clothes away...they sit on my dresser. In a nice flat pile...organization is key right?
• I swear
• I hide snacks for myself
• I put myself together, then when my day is done (that is when I am done running around), I put my "fat pants" on and watch T.V. 
• I workout, but I hate running and will never do a marathon
• The only yoga my pants see is the kind where I look like one of those blow up dancing things you see at car dealerships (it's not cute, it's crazy)
•  I'm not a size 4
•  I don't have a "to die for" wardrobe
• My house isn't always as clean as it looks
• I hate negativity
• My schedule is as crazy as I am
• I have a love hate relationship with Pinterest
• I let my kids eat fast food
• I probably let my kids eat too much pizza and french fries
• I can't sew (I can fix a hole, that's about it)
• I wish I had more alone time with my husband
• I wake up at 730 not "o'dark thirty"

And this list too can go on and on.................

I have friends who worry that they are the only ones who aren't a Super Mom.

No one is a Super Mom!

Not me, not you, not her, not anyone.

I don't believe that Super Moms exists. I believe being a Super Mom is learning to accept that we are imperfect. I make mistakes, and I own them. I want my image of the Super Mom to be that of a Mom who ignores dishes to play with her kids, who accepts her own flaws and still tries to be the best wife and Mom she can be.

Wife Life....and how to deal with the "Marine Wife" title

I hear a lot of uncertainty from people regarding the mysteries of military life, whether fresh in, fresh out, PCSing, or just curious about what it's like. It's different for everyone, but over all, I say there are far more positives than negatives!

My best advice is to meet people, put yourself in positions to have to talk to people you normally wouldn't, ask questions but listen more than you speak, remain respectful, don't ever slander someone or something or  assume you don't know what you're talking about (because you probably don't), and honor everyone in uniform, regardless of rank or status. Be courteous, be gentle, be good, be honest. Don't say "yes sir" to a question if you don't understand it. Communication flies at lightning speed with the language of acronyms, and when you don't know what something is, ask. Better yet, make friends with women who are willing to teach you the ropes instead of asking your husband's command (if your husband isn't around) your questions. They don't have time, and they don't care. Your responsibility is to prove that you can stand strong whether or not you have someone spoon-feeding you. That's what the men and women who serve are expected to do. As a wife, that's now your job, too. Don't be a ditz. Don't mistake a person's kindness for weakness. Be real and be to the point. Books are probably great to read. I commend myself for getting off my butt and learning without being prideful, and saw that I wasn't a wife wanting to sit home and watch talk shows all day and paint my nails. I wanted to get down and dirty and serve with the rest of 'em. Make a routine. Stick to it. Give yourself your own personal goals to meet every time your husband is away training or deployed. When he's home, put him first. When he's away, continue to put him first in whatever ways you can. Distance offers key opportunities (just as close proximity does) to express your adoration toward not only him as a Warrior but as the husband of your dreams and the number one Daddy. Devote your time to making sure he's appreciated by taking care of your duties: Upkeep of wherever you live, physical/mental/spiritual care for yourself and your children if you have any, social functions - so that your friendships don't fall apart while he's "gone", and keeping family and loved ones informed of whatever you can inform them of. Understand I would never dream of violating OPSEC, and it must always be in your mind, as well. The security of our defense system rides quite a bit more on your professionalism as a Corps Wife than you might think. It's a lot to think about, but as much of a responsibility it is (which some women relish in), it is fun. Spend time learning, and use your knowledge wisely. Anchor yourself in truth and relish in the fact that you are part of the most elite branch of the military, supporting those on the front lines: The President's Own. Yes, it's up for debate, but I do believe the Marines as a whole train harder than the other US defense forces combined. I've heard that from Army soldiers and Navy Corpsmen as well. It is totally foolish and time-wasting to dispute "Which branch is the best" though,  regardless of my opinions and some opinions of others....so I'll leave you with this:

“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don't.” -Steve Maraboli

Mean Girls!

Recently I ran into my first Mother/Daughter experience of "Mean Girls". 

Uggggg!  This may be my top worry.  I’ve been here.  I think every woman alive can associate with being both a mean girl and having experienced a mean girl.  I have certainly been both.  I don’t know why it happens, but it seems to be happening earlier and earlier.  I thought mean girls started in middle school but I've seen that it actually can happen with six-year-olds. I think it is very immature for "Mommy" disagreements to rub off on the kids. I would never tell my daughter that she couldn't be friends with another little girl just because her Mother and I didn't see eye to eye. And while I tried to "sugar coat" the incident to my precious little angel. I just had to be honest and tell her that this is just how it is sometimes. A best friend suddenly doesn’t like you anymore.  You’re ostracized from the school lunch table with no warning. 

 A group of girls deems you unworthy.  I hate that this is coming.  I just want to wrap my arms around my sweet girl and tell her she will always be loved, she will always be beautiful no matter what anyone else says. No matter the situation my daughter finds herself in, I want her to be comfortable enough in her own skin to stand up for what she believes in.  I want her to feel ok being the odd ball out (that’s a tall order, I know!)  I definitely caved to the pressure on a few occasions and know she will too.  But I want her to know that most of her friends will be just as uncomfortable as she is..no matter the situation.  And sometimes, it just takes one person to say “no thank you” to give the rest of the crowd permission to say the same.  I hope I raise that child.  If not, that’s ok too. She’ll live and learn, but I hope that I can give her that confidence in herself. I wish what I said was all that mattered, but we are quickly coming upon the days when that won’t be true.  I want her to stay sweet, to be friendly to everyone.  I’m being unrealistic I know, but one can hope she becomes.......

Dear.....

Dear Self, remember this blog? Why have you neglected me?  Honestly the answer to that is since the first week of January my husband has been taking my laptop to Career Course with him, and well writing a blog on a tablet or phone just isn't that easy. I have tons of things I want to write about, but the last few weeks have been super busy for me. I promise I won't neglect you this long again.  

Dear Facebook, "you are the root of all evil," as some might say. But this week I have to agree with them. Watching friend's/family - or old friends who have become strangers - lives unfold on a computer screen is odd and unnatural. I'll keep my page, but from now on I'll do less viewing, or scrolling... at least I'll try. You're like a drug. GO AWAY! 

Dear Volunteer Self, you've tested my patience once again this week, and pushed me to crack open a bottle of wine. Which if I am being totally honest, would have happened either way. But you escalated it! I'll just say I'm glad I truly enjoy the women I work with. They make everything worth it in the end. 

Dear Marine Corps, THANK YOU for providing my husband a steady paycheck. But can I have him back now?  This course has been kicking him in the rear. 

Dear Husband, I apologize for being so moody this week. I guess you could say I am a little overzealous at times. I love you. Can't wait for date night! 

Dear Bipolar Virginia Weather, you and I have a love hate relationship. I love that I can style my hair without it looking like I stuck my finger in an electrical socket....but a little consistency would be nice. 

A little art from the heart

For as long as I can remember, I have been profoundly enchanted with tattoos. I always have wanted to get a back tattoo. Not like the little "tramp stamp" of 2 dolphins I already have. But like an entire piece of of carefully thought out and meaningful art on my back. I constantly get inspiration from and for them: case-in-point, during a recent conversation with a friend about the thought process that goes into getting a tattoo, I started thinking about the similarities between getting inked and blogging:

It Takes Commitment

People (should) get a tattoo with the intention of it being a permanent addition in their life. Although there’s no “no going back now” pressure with a blog, it still takes commitment and dedication to make it worth the while for both you and your readers. You shouldn't get a tattoo you won’t still love at age 60, and you really shouldn't blog if you don’t see yourself keeping up with it.

Put Some Thought Into It

It’s just as easy to tell which tattoos were picked out off of a flash wall as it is which bloggers don’t have a passion for what they’re writing about. Your blog and its subsequent posts should mean something to you the way a sentimental tattoo has meaning to the wearer. Otherwise, your blog will become the equivalent of a middle-aged housewife with Winnie the Pooh on her ankle (I’m looking at you, Kate Gosselin).

Expect and Encourage Engagement

Part of the territory that comes with getting any sort of visible tattoo is that you have to expect and I’d say enjoy having people approach you and start conversations with you about them. Think of your blog as a highly-visible, thought-provoking tattoo: it should encourage engagement and interaction from others and spark a two-way conversation.

So, just as carefully as I write my blogs, I have been very careful in my thought process for my tattoo. I have FINALLY come up with an idea and picture of what I want it to look like. All the "artsiness" of it has meaning and it was been thought about over and over. It took me 2 years to get up the courage to start a blog. Well this tattoo has been a lifetime in the making (and 3 years of planning). I can't wait to find an artist who sees my vision and can portray this wonderful life of mine on my back. 

Giving them a choice? Nothing wrong with that!

I have been asked on several occasions when and where my children were baptized. To my surprise the response I get when I say that they are not, is one to get a persons nerves roweled up. "How do you raise your kids that way?", "How do you expect them to have a relationship with the Lord?", "Well don't you pray and go to church?", "That's wrong, they should be baptized!" 

(Disclaimer: Not all responses are negative, but 95% of the time people are a bit confused)

Since when does a child being baptized define their relationship or belief in the Lord?

 Today many churches sprinkle infants on the head and call it baptism. This is not the baptism of the bible! When the bible speaks of baptism, it tells us of adult men and women who make a deliberate choice. They want to obey the Lord Jesus and be baptized.  

Before Matt and I were married and had children, we made a commitment to each other to strengthen our bond with the Lord. With that, came the decision to include our children in our walk. What kind of parents would we be to practice such a life and not share all the wonderfulness the Lord brings to our life with our kids? We made the decision to have our kids dedicated rather than baptized for one simple reason-that reason being that our children's relationship with the Lord  is something sacred and should be for them to decide. In dedicating our children we promised to teach, acknowledge, and honor God in our children's lives. We cannot tell them who to believe in, how to practice that belief, or even whether it is right or wrong. Our job as parents is to guide and teach our children what we feel is right. And what is right in our mind may not be right in theirs (when they are old enough to decide that), and that is fine.  We want our children to make that decision when they feel they are ready. 

We want them to feel excited about their decision to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior.

I understand what we believe is not the same for everyone.

I do believe that as long as our children grow up in home filled with love for Jesus Christ that the chances are they will follow down the path that was planned for them all along. 

A little change is good...right?

As some of you may know, I have decided to venture into "home based business"-hood. 

I will be a Thirty-One consultant. 

With this decision came another, to change the title of my blog from "I do a lot of things, none of which generate an income" to "2183 life...with a sprinkle of EVERYTHING". The numbers represent Matt and I. Our jersey numbers in high school sports were 21 and 83. And the sprinkles represent everything else, kinda like the icing on the cake. You can't have one without the other and I wouldn't be complete without my other half. 

I wanna say a special thank you to all my family and friends who have supported me in my adulthood journey. I've had some ups and downs, but I have truly found my calling. With a lot of faith, grace, prayer, and undying love...I have truly learned to enjoy the little things in life. 

I am excited for my adventure and the new year. The sky is the limit and I am reaching for the stars!

14 things I'm gonna change in 2014

With the new year rapidly approaching, I have started thinking about things that I would like to change in my personal and professional life. So I have compiled a list of 14 things I want to change about my life in 2014.

• Seeing the good. Since I made my last "resolutions", I have found I need to revisit the idea of "things ALWAYS could be worse". I feel that this outlook on life is working for me, but still a little bit of hurt sinks in every once in a while.  I need to keep an optimistic point of view and trust in God to just let the amazing happen. 
• My extra load (weight). I definitely don't need that! Just because I am married and have kids does not mean that I need to get lazy! I've made a few major changes and my progress is showing, but I need to stay focused. 
• Drama. I can always ditch the people who bring drama into my life. But someone always sneaks in an attack. While I understand that drama brings a little entertainment to some peoples lives. I realize I don't need nor want it in mine, it really is unnecessary. 
• No junk food! maybe less coffee and soda too...
• Clutter!!! I don't like or need it!
• Negativity.  I do not need people who are negative in my life, whatsoever. Negativity is infectious... It is way too easy to spread. It already takes a ton of effort to try and be optimistic! I definitely do not need someone hanging around me that makes that outlook even harder!
• Debt. We don't have much, but I don't want any!
• Over-committing. I have my hands dipped in too much. I need to start saying "NO!".
• More crafting. I guess everyone goes through changes... but I miss crafting. I just need to find the motivation and inspiration. 
• Speaking of inspiration. I need to purge my bookmarks. I HAVE TONS. 
• Procrastination. Let's just say that...I don't do it often, but when I do, my days seem to get all messed up lol
• Praying. I need to spend more time with God. I have the tendency of trying to do things on my time instead of relying on God's time. With lots of prayer and grace, I will soon be on the right track ;)
• Less time on social media!!! No explanation needed.
• Time with my husband. I love that man of mine dearly. I want to spend as much time with him as I quite possibly can.

We can all use a little makeover in our lives. What things would you like to change? How will you go about eliminating or adding them into your life? Remember you're never alone in your walk, you just gotta find the right people to walk with you :)

Dating my husband

I have had several talks with my friends about date nights with their husbands and spending "alone" time together. 

Much to my surprise (or not) there is one theme that seems consistent. It's how busy our lives are. It's no wonder...with jobs, kids, soccer games, girl scouts, volunteering, and other activities that chip away at our time, that it's hard for parents to find time for each other. 

But it is very important! 

Remember when you were dating your husband, before you got married, and you promised each other that kids, life, and work, and being tired would NEVER get in the way of the two of you dating? Remember those conversations? I do. And even though we try really hard to hold true to those promises, life does happen and fitting a date in can be complicated and sometimes so much work, that it doesn't even seem worth it.

My husbands work schedule is inconsistent. We don't know from one day to the next if he'll be home. He can leave for days to weeks at a time. I volunteer quite a bit of my time and stay busy with our kids and thier activities. To some this may not seem like a recipe for success, and there are some nights when I am dealing with bed time and clean up that I wish I had a second pair of hands to help. But what we lack in time, we make up for with love and commitment. 

Marriage is the foundation for all families. Together, you and your husband are partners in writing your family story. Once the honeymoon is over and children become part of our relationship, we need to be much more intentional about making time for our spouses. We are both committed to giving each child our personal attention through various family activities, cuddles, story time, kid dates, and just plain fun.

We are committed to each other and to making the other a priority. This is so important because our children need to see love and respect between their parents. It helps create that model for how their future relationships should be.

Here are some of our tips on dating your spouse: 

• Remember love is an action verb. It is not something that just happens. It is something you actively do. Once you stop doing it, it can go away. Love unconditionally! 
• Have "privacy". When you have jokes, traditions, places, songs, and experiences that are just YOURS together, it makes every day more fun. 
• Don't get hung up on spontaneity. Before we had kids, dating was spontaneous and wild. I think every couple goes through a bit of a mourning process when you realize that you have to schedule and plan in advance for time alone. Don't fight it, embrace it. Don't be afraid to schedule time for a date or even something a bit more sexy.
• Don't let go of spontaneity. Even though we heavily rely on our calenders, it's always nice when we get to sneak off in a corner or closet for a quick make out, or the kitchen for a dance. It kind of reminds me of when we were kids hiding from our parents. Only now we are parents hiding from our kids. We always get caught, but it's fun while it lasts ;)
• Look hot! Fix yourself up. Put on a cute outfit, perfume, and style your hair. You did it before, do it now.
• You don't need to spend money to have fun! Save money by cooking together and having a date night in the backyard. Set up the ambiance at your patio table. Light some candles, and enjoy some quality time.
• Go out! It has been said that couples who spend quality time together have healthier relationships. Go on a walk at sunset. Hold hands, talk about your day, just enjoy each others company.
• Ask questions. In our busy lives with children, work, and a million other tasks. We often forget to ask our spouses how they are doing. Set aside time to chat. Ask about how they're feeling, what their excited about, what is overwhelming them, and how you could help.
• Let him plan the date. Don't make it a chore or pressure him. Just tell him you're excited for a date night and would love for him to plan it. And stay open minded, just the idea of him planning anything should give you butterflies.
• Don't talk about "family things" the whole time. Indulge in each other. Talk about your vacation plans, how you wanna redo your bedroom, your next date, and even "private" plans for later. 

Our dates should be fun, relaxed, and carefree. Not heavy laden with everyday worries and stresses. There should be fun, laughter, and holding hands.

I have heard it said a gazillion times that the best gift you can give your children is a strong marriage, and I could not agree more! Investing in time alone with your husband is an investment in your whole family!