1. “You sure are lucky your husband isn't gone all the time and has only deployed once. My life is much harder than yours because my man deploys for xx months or is always gone on training's and workups.” Okay well I am sorry that this is the case for some women. I have not endured but one deployment (10 1/2 months), my husband did not miss our kids births (we planned them while he was "non-deployable" as an Instructor). But my husbands job does require him to work long hours, he has an inconsistent schedule, and he leaves on DET's for 2-6 weeks at at time through out the year. It is not about how long he is gone. Separations from our loved ones are separations period. It doesn't matter if it’s for two weeks or two years, if its for boot camp, deployment, school, or training, it is still a separation. No matter what the situation may be, we all know what it is like to have to sleep in an empty bed. To wake up in the middle of the night thinking it was all a bad dream until you roll over and once again, he’s not there. To jump every time the phone rings hoping its him, and to panic every time the doorbell rings hoping you won’t find someone in a dress uniform on the other side.
2. “My husband is in the field (or gone for any extended amount of time other than work) for two weeks. We've never been apart before and I don’t know how to cope" or I hate that he is gone all the time, Any tips?”
This could just as easily read basic training, any school, etc. The reactions from others: “Be happy he’s not in a war zone”,“Get over it, you signed on for this life”,“My husband’s been deployed for XX months. You have it so easy, quit complaining.”
Come on really? We are supposed to support each other. We should do what we can to help a fellow military spouse through whatever it is she is enduring especially if we have "I've been there, done that" advice. Why do we feel the need to play the “who’s got it worse” game?
3. Families who feel they have the "right to know" what's going on, that being away is so much harder on them, or that if something happens to my husband that I can "just replace him".
Wow! Let’s just say I’m sure you could see the steam coming from my ears with this one. I’m not trying to debate who has it harder. But no life is replaceable and had they really thought about it, they would see how ridiculous that statement is since every husband is someone’s son. Losing my husband would be beyond devastating. And even though he is a Marine I am not prepared and actually don't even like to think of him being gone forever. I can say that (and most the time) I didn't even know where he was when he was gone. I didn't get to talk to him all the time. No he doesn't just get to communicate whenever he wants. He had to wait in line for 2+ hours to talk to me sometimes, so of course I'd be the first one he called. There is a thing called OPSEC...learn it!
In closing, we all share common ground and we can make our military communities stronger by being supportive of one another. Reach out to the wife who’s having a hard time dealing with her husband at basic training. Take the time to offer some tips to the wife who is about to endure her first deployment. Make plans with the wife who's husband is away on training. Just imagine the impact you may have on someone. For them to know that someone cares about their well being and wants to be sure they are okay and offer their help.
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