How to deal with people who complain all the time

We have all been there. Whether it was friends or family that were annoying us all the time with their endless complaints and not doing anything about it attitudes. I find that there is a lot of this in the Military community because we are constantly being put in situations the average person isn't used to. But what do we do? How do we deal with these sorts of people without being rude? Here are some little tips I came up with during a recent conversation with a close friend of mine. (Thanks Ash) 

There is a difference between someone who needs help and a chronic complainer. A person who is actually asking a question or wants advice will ask once and generally take it or thank you for your suggestions. A chronic complainer does not want actual solutions to the problems they are talking about or for you to join in their complaints. If they did, once you gave them a solution, they would stop complaining. Generally ignoring and confronting them won't work since they may become more agitated, passive-aggressive or unload on someone else, which could make the whole situation blow way out of proportion.

So here are some tips:

• Show complainers you understand. The key to stopping the complainer is to give them what they want, and complainers want empathy. This is why solutions like joining with them ("yes, they are just pathetic"), cheering them up, or ignoring them may not solve the problem. Saying things like "I don't know how you deal with so much" or "It really sounds like you had a tough day" eliminates the cycle of complaints and gives the complainer what he is looking for.
• Don't be sarcastic, and you don't have to agree with complainers. Realize that what may seem like a trivial matter for you, is a big deal for them, and the proof is that they are going on and on about it.
• Try different solutions. There is no one solution that will work for every person. Agreeing with the complainer since this may "take the wind out of his sails." Particularly if the complainer is looking for arguments, the quickest way to end an argument is to concede. Sharing a story of someone who perhaps was in a similar situation. This separates you from telling the person what to do (which may appear bossy) into you telling a story of someone else. It may help them stop and think.
• Let them vent into a solution. Writing it out for everyone to see. Try writing on a board two columns, one entitled "Ways to Make It Work," the second, "Why It Won't Work." Have the person come up with ideas for both sides, then cross out the second section and say that we need to focus on fixing the problem and move on.
• Try jokes. If you have been told by others that you do have a good sense of humor (not in your personal opinion) try to find a way to make the situation funny. Do not embarrass the complainer. Try to focus on you or the general situation. While the complainer may not laugh at first, if they see that others laugh at it, they may begin to realize there is something wrong with them or their perception.
• Set boundaries. There may be some things you can't solve. Some people only complain when a painful past issue or hot topic is brought up. If this is not something you can or want to solve, put a boundary on what you or they will talk about.

If you get seriously get fed up listening to the complainer complain. Then be honest and say that you don't want to hear it anymore. Sometimes we become so consumed in other peoples issues that when it comes to dealing with our own, we don't. Never let someone else's problems become yours. It's a vicious cycle.