Dang schedule!

So most of you that know me....know that I take most things in stride. I am not too much of a complainer and I try to stay positive and optimistic about most things. But the last month has proved to me just how much I seriously dislike my husband working nights. I used to think it wasn't so bad. Okay I retract that last statement, it's always been bad lol
I love that Matt's job provides lots of security for our family, but it's never ending cycle of inconsistency can wear on ones life (mostly mine j/k). And being that in a recent conversation with my husband we came to the conclusion that we have spent more than 1/2 our relationship with him on nights (not including deployments or "trips"), makes me sad.
I am not only a stay at home mom. I volunteer, run around with the kids, and try to keep myself sane with "me" time. But when most of what I do revolves around my husbands schedule and it all of sudden changes at the drop of a hat, it can be pretty frustrating. So here I am...doing dinner, the night time routine with the kids, watching worthless television, and going to bed alone. I want him home, not only to be here to help, but because the kids and I actually like to be around him. Maybe I'm being overzealous!

Maybe lots of you can relate. Maybe this is foreign to some. This is not a "bitch fest" on my behalf. Just simply an insight to how overwhelmed I feel here lately. But I am gonna keep on smiling and cherish the moments we do get together. After all, he is mine until the end of time :)

Mom of 2...sometimes 3

I have 3 kids! But truth be told no matter how much I try not to use the step-mom title...I am one. So I say I am a Mom of 2...sometimes 3. 

Writing this has been hard for me, putting down in words the way I feel about being a stepmother presented to be quite the challenge. I have never spoken to a stepmother who hasn't been in a similar position to me or who hasn't felt the same way I do in some point in time, which is why I have chosen to publish this.

It's rare that I admit it, but sometimes being a step-mom is really hard. For me, being Mom"ish" is like having the job I always dreamed of and finding out the benefit package has a couple of major things missing but I work around it because I love it so much. I work with the best people, love what I do, feel like I'm at my very best when I'm doing it, find personal satisfaction in doing the job, and believe I'm making a difference. It's the role of a lifetime and yet sometimes its still hard to do, not because I don't love it but because sometimes even the job you love takes work and patience.

When Matt and I first started dating I was quite turned off by the idea of dating a 21 year old divorcee with a kid. It definitely wasn't my idea of fun. I honestly didn't want to meet Caitlyn unless he told her mother 1st. I had been through the single parent thing with a good friend of mine. Seeing her struggles of dealing with an ex and his family were enough to put up a red flag. But, we're still kickin', so obviously that means I stuck it out.

I struggled with my "role" for the longest time. I really didn't know my place. I love kids. And she loved me. But being her Mom-ish just wasn't my idea of living the dream. I moved cross country to be with the man I loved, and no sooner than 3 weeks later his daughter was living with us and I was all of sudden her Primary care-giver. WTH? I had no idea how to deal with having a child in my possession 24/7. I spent lots of time setting up her room and trying to make the house kid-friendly. And I was excited. Until, I realized that no one cared about me or how I was feeling. They all wanted to know how the kid was adjusting to us, not me to her. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel a little resentment. I was going through my first real "grown-up" move and living cross country from everyone I knew. For what? To be a Mom? 

Being a Step-mom isn’t easy: it’s a tough balancing act. If like me, the first kids you parent are your stepkids, you get the work of learning to be a parent at the same time that you have to learn when to stand aside.

I have no doubt that the lessons in patience I receive as a step-mom are the direct result of my inherit lack of patience before I became a parent. The part that takes the most patience? Learning to be patient with "the other family" and understanding that when things are said that are hurtful and short sided, they're said out of insecurity, misunderstanding, miscommunication, or misplaced fear. Its so easy to blame the step-mom for something mom's family doesn't like or understand. Its simple to think that she can't love or care for the family as much as mom's family did or still does. Its only logical to think that she must be the cause of all of the difficulties that come up in a divorced family. Blaming the step-mom is easy but not always the right answer. 

Being a Mother is one of the most difficult jobs you will ever have.  Being a stepmother… well, let’s just say at times it can be even more difficult than being a mother.  Now I cannot speak for every stepmother, I can only tell you about my journey as a step-mom   A rocky road filled with jewels. 

The Stepmonster

Think about word association. When I say "Mother," you might say: caring, loving, nurturing, and helpful.Good things, right? Your mother is a really important person in your life. The one who brought you into the world, who is always there for you no matter what. Who picks you up when you fall. The one person who loves you unconditionally.

Now, when I say "Stepmother," you might say: cold, distant, and uncomfortable; and if you’ve seen any Disney movies: evil, wicked, jealous, manipulative, and murderous. Think about all the movies you've seen that include a stepmother, the books, the fairy tales. The stepmother is the evil one. When there’s a happy ending, the stepmother ends up defeated, dead, or cast aside, as the parents—who always loved each other, they just didn't know it—get back together. Ahh, the fairy tale! The fairy tale ending never includes the stepmother. Let’s be honest here for a minute. Stepmothers aren't exactly a mother’s favorite addition to a child’s life. You can pretend you don’t mind, but think about it, how would you react to another woman trying to raise your children? Of course I understand the impulse to resent a stepmother. The thought of another woman parenting my kids gives me the heebie jeebies, too. But making an effort to understand and accept the step-mom can make things much smoother for your kids. What do you really think of how they contribute to that child’s life? There’s a voice in the back of your head, isn't there? It accuses them, it condemns them, it utters the words no stepmother wants to hear: “You’re not a real mom.”

You want them away from your child. You might really like them, you might really appreciate what they can bring to your child’s life. Maybe you really like seeing your ex happy. But still, it’s there, in the back of your mind. It’s your child. We’re wicked, we’re evil, haven’t you heard the stories? We have warts and moles, or if we don’t we’re nasty on the inside and out to split up the child’s relationship with their father, out to take all his money and ruin his life.

Well, I like to think I’m not wicked and I’m not evil. My stepdaughter likes me, as does her mother for that matter (at least I hope so). I’m certainly not out to ruin my husband’s life or take his money. But every day, that’s the stereotype you’re up against. That’s how you’re viewed. You can’t win. Either you’re an interfering person who wants to take over the role of mother, or you’re cold and uncaring, not mothering material.

You’re Not a Real Mom

Being a stepmother is not easy. A friend of mine once said something that hit the nail right on the head: “Having stepchildren is an absence in your life.” You have emotional and financial responsibilities, like any parent. You have the responsibility to teach, to nurture, and help your stepchild grow. There is a member of your family, of your home, who you want to do the best by. But your hands are tied. You can’t raise them how you would your own, even though everyone says “Treat them like they’re your own child.” You can’t. You have to treat them like their mother would want you to. You have to raise them not how you would, but how she would. You have to uphold what their mother would want you to do, to say. You can't be a part of the major decisions that affect their life.

So you do the best you can. You try to do things as their mother would want you to. You hold back your opinions and you stand in the background. You support their parents, back them up, defend them, whether or not you agree. You present a united front at all times and put aside what you think. All the while, there's a small voice, sometimes outside your head, reminding you: “You’re not a real mom.”

You aren't. You can’t be.

The Child

It doesn't matter how good your stepchild is. It doesn't matter how much they want their parent to be happy. It will be hard for them to accept you and equally hard for you to accept them. This is tough because you’re an outsider and you can see things the parents can’t. Or maybe they can, but they don’t want to. And you can’t say anything. Sometimes you can be filled with so much love for your stepchild you want to burst. Like the time my stepdaughter wrote me a little book called “That’s Why I Love You” with drawings of the two of us, and she’d written a whole story for me. Like when she had a nightmare and my husband was still sleeping, so she said that was OK, she was fine with me. She curled up on the couch with me. We ate ice cream and she said she loved me. But sometimes you listen to the things people say about your stepchild, and you want to yell “They’re not perfect!” because you can see their flaws. You don’t see them the way parents do. But you’re the last person in the world anyone wants to hear that from.

They've had to adjust to you, and in doing so, they have done things to you, and said things to you that can be hard for you to forget. They've hurt you and they don’t apologize.

Sometimes they don’t even mean to, like telling your husband that they wish their mom and dad would get back together. It isn't meant to be hurtful, it’s not intended that way, but you can’t help but think they wish you weren't there.

Accepting, forgetting, and forgiving is required for you to adjust to them.

But your biggest fear is that they won’t like you. Won’t love you. Won’t accept you. So you get nervous, and you stuff up. And every criticism anyone has of what you’re doing is magnified a thousand times.

All you can do is the best you can.

What I hope to remind any bio-parent out there is that being a stepparent comes with even less glory and gratitude then being a parent. Stepparents are always second place. It's like being a bridesmaid for the rest of your life. You're happy to be included, love the bride dearly, and couldn't have accepted the duties faster when asked to join the wedding party. But like a bridesmaid, you'll always be on the sideline and never the focus of the picture. You get to walk down the isle in a pretty dress but you'll never wear the gorgeous couture gown. And to be honest, that can knock down a girl's ego from time to time. 

If I could remind bio-families of anything on behalf of Step-moms everywhere, it would be that we likely didn't cause the changes you're experiencing or blaming us for. Change would have happened no matter what; after all, its inevitable. And just like you have the capacity to love more than one child, your child has the capacity to love more than one parent.  It's not a competition, we're not trying to take your little ones heart. We simply want to provide love and affection the best way we know how and if we're doing it right, they're going to love us back. So the next time you find yourself saying something hurtful or not supporting the stepparent in your child's life, please think twice. The faster everyone learns to work together the more love and support the children will feel. And that's what really matters. 

Ironically, all the advice I've ever read on how to be a good stepmother actually says to do the opposite. The best way to be a good stepmother is to put your relationship with your husband first, and ask them to do the same. To ensure your relationship is upheld and kept important no matter what. To present a united front.

Because the most important thing you can do for your stepchild is to provide them with a stable, loving home.

Eventually, when they grow up, you will no longer be a "stepmonster". And maybe, if you’re really lucky, you’ll get to be their friend.

Someday hopefully your stepchildren will say “Thanks for helping raise me. I truly love you.” 

A friend sent this to me a few years ago and I have kept it, so I will close with this :)

Stepmother’s Bill of Rights  

1. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.
2. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.
3. People outside the immediate family – including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children – cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
4. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
5. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
6. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
7. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
8. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
9. I will never be treated as an “outsider” in my own home.
10. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.

Maybe I need to slow down...or not...that is the question..?..

So far this summer has been quite busy to say the least. If you know me, you also know that I love to stay busy. But I also like to indulge in a little "ME" time as well. Lately I've been asked quite a few times how I manage to run a household and take on a crap ton of activities at the same time....truth is I just really enjoy doing what I do. 

All stereotypes put aside (I'm sure I fall into a few), I genuinely enjoy being a Mom and juggling a schedule that people are often envious or in "ah" of. There is nothing more in this world that means so much to me than giving back to this beautiful life that God so graciously has given me.  

My time with my family is EVERYTHING to me. I love planning our weekend adventures and making memories. 

Volunteering is also a very fulfilling rewarding thing for me to do. I helps me feel like I am serving a great portion of my purpose on this earth. 

I mean, lets revert to the title of my blog "I do a lot of things, none of which generate an income". It's not a joke, it's my brand! I am well rounded and involved in many things that may not generate an income, but are an even bigger reward.

I've never been one to sit around and just do nothing. So of course I moved to VA and signed myself up to volunteer, play dates, organizing Girls Night Outs, and whatever else I do lol

But let me be honest....

Little did I forget that my kids are getting older and the activities for them are getting more abundant. So put the two together and you have yourself a making of a pretty busy schedule....and one happy but tired mama trying to keep up with it all. 

I'm sure many of my friends can relate to feeling this way. But honestly, what else would I do? I've asked my self that question a million times. Our Pastor at our old church once said "if what you're doing in life is taking time away from your family and your joy for life. You need to just stop!" That quote has always spoke to me in such a way that I use it as a reminder not to take on too much. Which is why in our family we have "lazy" or "chill" out days where we can just lounge and not worry about a schedule or even getting out of pj's by breakfast time. 

Everyone has a life's calling. Our callings evolve and change over time, and sometimes repeat but in ways we never imagined or may have ignored. I have realized that although I may be a little extra tired, or feeling overwhelmed...I know this, what I am doing is my calling. And with knowing that I have a deep sense of peace and an overwhelming feeling of personal satisfaction. I am just one piece of a larger puzzle and my impact is being felt by more than just me. 

Vacation..Vacation..Vacation!

So for the very first time we took a family vacation. And what better choice of a destination than WALT DISNEY WORLD!

We headed to Texas first to get Caitlyn for the summer and surprised her a whole week early to be at her dance recital. OMG was she excited!

She did AMAZING in her recital and looked absolutely beautiful. We were so glad to have been there. Starting this coming school year we most likely are not going to be able to attend anymore due to the girl's conflicting school schedules. 

After a week of visiting with family and friends in Texas we left on Friday May 31 to head to Florida for our Disney Adventure. We stayed the night at a local hotel to make sure we were well rested for the week of AWESOMENESS we were about to enjoy.

On Day 1 we headed to Gatorland. Man that place was so cool. We have never seen so many Gators in our life. We also saw various types of birds, reptiles, and trees. Our favorite part was when we watched a man wrestle a gator. It was definitely a great way to start our Florida vacation.

 

After our adventure at Gatorland came to an end we headed to check in to our resort. The squeals and laughs of excitement coming from the back seat as we drove through the entrance were well worth the 12 hour drive. 

We checked into Pop Century and were greeted by a familiar face. Matt's cousin Ben is a chef on Disney Property and lives in Orlando. We were so happy to see a familiar face, but better yet, to have an inside scoop on everything Disney.

We got all checked in and headed to our new home for the next 7 days. Wow what an amazing place Pop Century is. Completely decked out in huge monuments of items that represent the last 50 years and Disney characters that are all to familiar to the Disney loving family that we are.

                                    

             

We got settled into our room and Matt and I surprised the kids with gift bags that had t-shirts for everyday we spent at the Disney Parks and autograph books. They loved them!

For our first night at Disney we decided to head to Downtown Disney. We made our way through several shops and watched some young kids dance their little hearts out to entertain the crowd. The kids favorite store was the Lego one, of course. They were in "ah" of all the characters that were made out of Legos. And of course the girls were so excited to get some Minnie Ears.

For dinner we headed to Planet Hollywood. We sat on the 3rd floor. It was so cool and Action/Adventure themed. We enjoyed some music being spun by a DJ. The girls loved the fact that the music videos played during the songs. We were definitely the party table, we had a grand old time dancing and singing to our favorite tunes while enjoying all the cool movie memorabilia and decor. 

Day 2, we got up early and very excited for our day at Magic Kingdom. It was truly a magical day as we embarked on our journey through Fantasy, Tomorrow, Adventure, and Frontier Land. The kids favorite rides were Little Mermaid, Haunted Mansion, and Toy Story. We learned kinda late into the day about fast passes and how they work, but glad we did because they truly saved us lots of time standing in line. 

We enjoyed an awesome buffet lunch at Crystal Palace with Piglet, Pooh, Tigger, and Eeyore. The kids absolutely loved it. They were so excited to see, meet, and get their autographs. 

The rain stayed away all day, but decided to come while we were sitting and waiting for the Main Street Electrical Parade and fireworks. Thus, causing them both to get cancelled. So we proceeded to head back to the hotel. On our way out, we saw an awesome flotilla.

We didn't let the rain get us down though, we headed back to the resort and went to the Hippy Dippy Pool and enjoyed some splash time.

On Day 3 we all woke up super pumped for our day at Epcot. We started our day there with a ride inside the Epcot Ball on Spaceship Earth. It was so cool. 

We then ventured into World Showcase and checked out all the different countries. 

We had lunch at a little cantina in "Mexico" where little birds tried to steal our churros lol 

As we walked on over to catch a ride over California on the ride Soarin'. The kids were so excited to see a Monsters University themed bush. To make it fun, we told the kids Edward Scissorands cut it out ;)

For dinner we headed to Norway for dinner at Askerhus Royal Banquet Hall where we got to meet Belle, Cinderella, Aurora, Snow White, and Ariel. The girls were in total "ah" over seeing and chatting with the Princesses. The food was amazing and dessert was oh so yummy!

We topped off our night at Epcot with the amazing Illuminations water show!

On Day 4 we headed over to Animal Kingdom. We started our day with Brunch at the Rainforest Cafe. The food was great and our Volcano dessert was to die for!

We then headed over to the Lion King show. On our way we stopped by the tree of life. 

The Lion King show is a must see. It was soooo amazing. We all enjoyed it. The characters, the floats, the monkeys, the men on stilts...everything about it was awesome!

After the show we took a train ride to Rafikis Planet. We entered the conservation station and the kids got to hear rainforest sounds and see various reptiles. We also got to visit a petting zoo and see a beautiful owl.

We then headed on a walking adventure through a forest. We saw a Gorilla, various birds, bats, a meerkat and a Tiger.

Our favorite part of the day was the Kilimanjaro Safari ride. It was so cool to take a ride through an African Safari. 

After our Safari, we headed over to DinoLand USA. This was definitely B-Cam's favorite. We went on the Dinosaur ride, had some fun in Dino Rama, and enjoyed dinner at Restaurantosaurus.

Day 5 we headed to Hollywood Studios. 

We started out with The Voyage of the Littlle Mermaid Show. The wait was about 20 mins so I went and got us fast passes to the Toy Story Mania ride (glad I did, that ride had a 2 1/2 hour wait). Little Mermaid is a must see if you love that movie as much as I do. We then headed over to the Great Movie Ride. Matt and I love movies and that ride was pretty awesome taking you back through years of movie making awesomeness.

We headed over to lunch at Hollywood & Vine for a Disney Jr. play date. We enjoyed a great buffet while visiting with June, Jake, Oso, and Handy Manny. The kids loved getting up and participating in song and dance led by the coolest guy ever.

After lunch we headed over to get our fast passes to Star Tours and saw Darth Vader! He and the storm troopers were training new jedis.

While we waited for our fast pass time to come up we headed over to Muppets 3D and the kids got to meet Lightning McQueen. Brycen was all about it, but chickened out of taking a pic (lil stinker).

Our time finally came for Star Tours. Turns out they revamped it, and it is 3D now. It was so awesome!

Next up on our agenda we hit the Indiana Jones Stunt show. 

It was pretty awesome, from what we actually saw of it. In the middle of it they had to stop the show due to a torrential downpour of rain. They said we (the audience) could wait in the covered theater and the show would commence. But, no such luck. The show was cancelled and we headed back to the resort in hopes that the rain would pass. When we got to the resort we did what anyone would do on a rainy vaca day...we ordered pizza and sushi! And it was delicious :)

The rain did pass, so we headed back to Hollywood Studios to use those fast passes we had (can't let them go to waste lol). 

Caitlyn and I went on Hollywood Tower of Terror. Oh my gosh I screamed so loud! It was really fun and an adrenaline rush.

And our next stop was Toy Story Mania and it was well worth the wait. It was so much fun!

We closed the night with the Fantasmic show. OMG it was sooooo awesome. The technology and what they can do with water is just absolutely amazing!

Day 6 the storm decided it didn't want to let up. Thank goodness our days at the parks went off without a hitch. On this day we decided to just chill out and take a day to explore. We started the day out with breakfast at the restaurant Ohana at the Polynesian Resort. It is so pretty there, definitely plan on staying there one day. We got to meet Lilo, Stitch, Mickey, and Pluto. The breakfast was delicious and the Mickey waffles are yummylicious! 

There was something so special about this day too...when we first got to Disney, Alanna had wrote Mickey a note. She had looked all over and hadn't seen him at any of the parks. We knew he was gonna be at breakfast, so we just kept telling her she'd get to see him soon. Well on this morning she finally got to see and give Mickey her note. It was seriously the cutest thing ever! 

After breakfast we drove around for a bit and checked out ESPN World of Sports. We didn't get to do too much exploring like we had hoped thanks to the storm. So we headed back to the resort and let the kids have some fun in the arcade.

To top off this rainy Thursday, we decided to grab some drinks from the bar and head to the pool :)

For our last day in Florida we decided to take advantage of  Anheuser Busch's Salute to the Heroes and go to Sea World. Both the younger kids have been to the one in California but Caitlyn had never been and was really excited. But first we had reservations at Chef Mickeys where the kids got to meet Chef Donald, Chef Pluto, Chef Goofy, Minnie, and Chef Mickey. That by far was the best breakfast we have ever had!

After breakfast we were off to Sea World. It was a beautiful day! Perfect to see and spend the day with sea animals. 

There is no greater joy as a parent than being able to fill your children with so much joy and laughter. To see their faces light up when things they've only seen on T.V. all of sudden are real. We have been incredibly blessed and feel very fortunate to have been able to give our kids these wonderful memories they will remember for years to come.