Happy Fall Y'all

There’s something about the fall weather that stirs up a million feelings inside of you.  As I’m writing this, I’m sitting and listening to music of a person playing the piano so beautifully.  As I’m sitting here, I can’t help but just think about how lucky I am to be where I am right now and how amazed I am about how quickly life tends to pass you by. I feel like, in a way, we get into this trance- always wanting the next best thing in life, that we never really stop to be grateful for the things we have.

When I was a little girl, I used to dream about being sixteen. I felt like sixteen was the golden age- you’re not quite a child anymore, but you’re not an adult with real-world responsibilities either.  I was so obsessed with the fact that turning sixteen meant that I got to get wear make-up and more freedom. And then, when I was sixteen, I couldn't wait until I turned eighteen. When I was eighteen, I used to be so excited to turn twenty-one. And twenty-one turned into dreaming about what it would feel like to get engaged and married.

I remember being that little girl who was fearless.

But she was also the girl that always fell too hard for people that she cared about. She was always that girl that loved too much and  never felt she was loved back.  She was always the one that felt invisible when she was lonely. She was always the one who was nice to everyone, no matter how mean they were to her and no matter how much they talked about her behind her back because she didn't give into peer pressure. She was always the one that lit up a room when she smiled. She was always the one that cared too much, but didn't care because she felt like everyone needed that someone to be that person for them. She always was the one who giggled when she thought something was funny. She was always that girl who wanted to explore life and the world.

I’ve always been amazed at how many people enter and exit from my life (being a military wife doesn't help). It’s always amazing to see how much people influence our lives. How a kind smile or a warm embrace is enough to make your day so much better. Or how a fight is enough to ruin your day. I think that everyone that enters your life makes an impact. That they change your life for the better. I’d like to believe that these kind exchanges are about the heart. Life is full of "would've, could’ve, should’ves" of chances you should’ve taken, or things you should’ve said when you had the chance to spill your heart’s contents. As Marilyn Monroe, once said, “we should all start to live before we get too old. Fear is stupid, so are regrets.” I’m so thankful for the people who have walked into my life – who have changed my life without ever knowing it. Who taught me that life isn’t always fair, but it’s a beautiful one and that we should always be grateful for it. And that regrets are never as bad as we think they are because something better eventually finds us.

It feels like just yesterday, I made my first "big girl" decision to move cross country and in with my boyfriend (who later became my husband). The past "adult" years have been full of everything. If there’s truly one regret that I can’t work through, it’s that I sometimes look past being grateful for the things that are happening right now. I’ve always been busy looking ahead at things that might not exactly work out the way I’ve always pictured them to turn out, but throughout it all, I wouldn’t change a single second of it. Because I’ve grown in so many ways and I’ve learned so many lessons because of the things that my life has taken me through.

I guess, throughout all of this, I hope you realize that even though life is fragile, it’s a beautiful one and it’s the only chance we have to be the best people we can be. So love the ones that love you the way you should be loved, take every chance that life has given you, travel the world a million times if you have to, and enjoy what life has given you. Because no matter where you are, I think it’s important that you get there.

It's a wonderful life

I’ll admit; I've never payed much attention to my ability to write. I've never been a person that’s totally comfortable writing about myself or about the things I've been through. Maybe it’s because I’m not totally comfortable with myself or maybe it’s because I have a really hard time just letting go and learning how to trust people. I feel like people get really frustrated with me because I have a really hard time letting people find out who I really am. Sometimes, I feel like if I give everything away- my thoughts, my fears, my feelings- that once that person decides to leave (which they always do at one point or another), I won’t have anything left to myself. I love my best friends, and I have no earthly idea what I would do without them, but they don’t know everything about me, and sometimes, it’s really hard because I want to feel like I can tell them everything. I've been told so many times that I just have an absolute perfect knack for getting people together. Maybe the reason why I purposefully do that is because I truly want to see others happy and not feeling like their alone, because I know all too well what that feels like.

I've learned a lot this last year- who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life, what my deepest fears are, what makes me so happy, and who I am in Christ. There are still a ton of things that I have yet to learn, and for me, life is constantly showing me that I don’t know everything. I’m still learning. I’m still learning how to be a better person. And how to be a better wife. And how to be a better mother. And how to be a better friend. I’m not perfect- far from it. It frustrates me when people think I’m perfect or that I try to act like I’m perfect. People always ask how I keep my house clean, keep a busy schedule, and not lose my cool....but the thing is, I’m not trying to be perfect. At all. I feel like people won’t respect you unless you have respect for yourself. People should love you for your heart, not because of what you look like or the things that you've done. If you show people your heart and how much you care about them, people will like you for you. And if they don’t, well it’s their loss. I think that one of the biggest things that I've learned this year is that there’s so much more to people than meets the eye, and people are so much bolder and so much more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. Just remember, that sometimes, the way you think about a person, isn't the way they actually are.

None of us are perfect, and we’re trying; constantly trying- and struggling- to make sense out of this crazy world. We’re expected to know exactly who we are and who we want to be, and what we want out of life. We’re expected to know to be the best spouses, the Pinterest Mom, the social butterfly, volunteer for everything, and become as successful as we can. There’s so many struggles and so many pressures that constantly weigh down on us.  But the reality is, we all make mistakes. Every single one of us. Even me. But there’s only one person that I can think of that doesn't make mistakes - and that’s God. God created you for a reason. And God doesn't make mistakes.  And if there’s one thing I know- I am perfectly content with not being perfect. 

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends that have helped mold me into the person that I am, and I love each of you so, so, so much. You guys have been my light in times of darkness.

"For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13-14

My favorite season

Again! Again I've neglected my blog. And like all the other times I've neglected my writing, it's not for lack of things to write about.

We all have our "seasons" in life. You know the things we go through and become consumed in at certain times in our lives..??..

Well here recently I have come into a new season in my life.

I am now a Mom of two students! That's right I said it! I now have two children in school. While I am still not sure how I feel about all of this. One thing is for sure, I am changing. I am adjusting to this new season in my life.

My priorities are different. I am engaged in new projects and some of the things that were important to me, just aren't anymore.

See, something happens when you send your last kid off to school. You kinda become sheltered to the things that used to consume you. Long gone are the days of breastfeeding, baby wearing, and preschool prepping. Instead now I am dealing with extra curricular activity schedules, homework, and careful outfit choosing.
What's even more profound is how the people in my life are reacting to such change. I know it's not easy for everyone to understand, but these kind of changes aren't bad. It's just part of growing as Women and Mothers.

I've started to take more time for myself. Instead of a morning play date, I go to hot yoga. Instead of story time, I am doing a bible study. It's amazing what a couple of hours doing something for yourself can do to your self worth.
I am starting to realize the importance of taking time to take care of me. I mean lets be honest....when Mama is happy, everyone else is too.
As Moms I think we need to learn this idea in general. It's so important to care of yourself. You are the center of the home, the one who sets the tone, and the one who cares for everyone else. You are important. You are worthy of care and respite. Instead of pushing myself all the time, I am learning to move more slowly.

This season of my life promises to be an eye opener. And already I am seeing just how much my children and my husband are blessings. There are hard days and crazy moments but overall they are nothing short of blessings.

I apologize to my peeps if you feel a little neglected or like I am not there, I always am!

Life isn't perfect but a whole lot better if you feel happy and blessed :)