It's a wonderful life

I’ll admit; I've never payed much attention to my ability to write. I've never been a person that’s totally comfortable writing about myself or about the things I've been through. Maybe it’s because I’m not totally comfortable with myself or maybe it’s because I have a really hard time just letting go and learning how to trust people. I feel like people get really frustrated with me because I have a really hard time letting people find out who I really am. Sometimes, I feel like if I give everything away- my thoughts, my fears, my feelings- that once that person decides to leave (which they always do at one point or another), I won’t have anything left to myself. I love my best friends, and I have no earthly idea what I would do without them, but they don’t know everything about me, and sometimes, it’s really hard because I want to feel like I can tell them everything. I've been told so many times that I just have an absolute perfect knack for getting people together. Maybe the reason why I purposefully do that is because I truly want to see others happy and not feeling like their alone, because I know all too well what that feels like.

I've learned a lot this last year- who I am, who I want to be, what I want out of life, what my deepest fears are, what makes me so happy, and who I am in Christ. There are still a ton of things that I have yet to learn, and for me, life is constantly showing me that I don’t know everything. I’m still learning. I’m still learning how to be a better person. And how to be a better wife. And how to be a better mother. And how to be a better friend. I’m not perfect- far from it. It frustrates me when people think I’m perfect or that I try to act like I’m perfect. People always ask how I keep my house clean, keep a busy schedule, and not lose my cool....but the thing is, I’m not trying to be perfect. At all. I feel like people won’t respect you unless you have respect for yourself. People should love you for your heart, not because of what you look like or the things that you've done. If you show people your heart and how much you care about them, people will like you for you. And if they don’t, well it’s their loss. I think that one of the biggest things that I've learned this year is that there’s so much more to people than meets the eye, and people are so much bolder and so much more beautiful than they give themselves credit for. Just remember, that sometimes, the way you think about a person, isn't the way they actually are.

None of us are perfect, and we’re trying; constantly trying- and struggling- to make sense out of this crazy world. We’re expected to know exactly who we are and who we want to be, and what we want out of life. We’re expected to know to be the best spouses, the Pinterest Mom, the social butterfly, volunteer for everything, and become as successful as we can. There’s so many struggles and so many pressures that constantly weigh down on us.  But the reality is, we all make mistakes. Every single one of us. Even me. But there’s only one person that I can think of that doesn't make mistakes - and that’s God. God created you for a reason. And God doesn't make mistakes.  And if there’s one thing I know- I am perfectly content with not being perfect. 

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful family and friends that have helped mold me into the person that I am, and I love each of you so, so, so much. You guys have been my light in times of darkness.

"For you created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:13-14